There’s no way this needs a ‘real’ write-up or analysis, but if you do want one, you can get one here.
I love Tenay’s completely unexciting start to every TNA show. He couldn’t emote a fart after a plate of baked beans. Tonight we have Borash to help generate excitement as Taz is dealing with a loss in his family.
Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen
The opening match got cut short because of the above. Before that, Jesse did all the things you’d come to expect from him. Shima is still cute. Weird when real life actually interjects in TNA, as I never think ”Oh, so and so must be injured”, I automatically assume it’s an angle and wonder where they’re going with it. The poor guy ”remains hospitalized with a neck injury. He has feeling in his arms and is able to move them. He has a tingling sensation in his legs but is unable to move his legs at this time. Sorensen’s spirits are said to be high despite the circumstances.”
Robbie E vs. Shannon Moore (TV Title. Yes, really)
Robbie E. does Zack Ryder better than Zack Ryder. Robbie T does ‘Standing, looking big and pretending to listen to ear’ very well. Shannon Moore doesn’t do anything well. The match was just…there, Robbie T suckerpunched Moore and got the win. Robbie E is an entertaining character but his offence is too generic to get me into his matches. Moore as the supposed fan favourite did virtually nothing to get the crowd into it either. T did everything that was asked of him, which admittedly wasn’t much.
Tara vs. Gail Kim
These two are possibly the best female wrestlers on the roster and they tried their damnedest with OCTOPUS HOLDS (!) but there’s very little in the way of character (again) to care about here. Plus the women’s division is only slightly more full than the tag team division.
Tara moonsaults off the top…with a bad leg. Sigh. She’s never been the same since she left Birds of a Feather. Kim gives her the ”Eat the Feet!” and takes the win.
Joe & Magnus vs. Crimson & Morgan
Crimson is still unpinned apparently. That’s the worst streak since Mae Young at Rumble 2000. Also, say it with me….FROM THE ISLE OF SAMOA, THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE, SAMOA…JOE-AHHHH
I’m glad Morgan & Crimson wear different colours. Crimson is chinlock’d by Magnus and Morgan riles the crowd. Wait…are Crimson/Morgan the FACES? Not sure if it’s the crowd or the audio, but the crowd has been at ‘Church Mouse’ levels so far this night. Maybe Wembley and real fans have spoiled me. Joe & Magnus use their snapmare/top rope elbow to take the pin and the titles! (via pinning Morgan) Borash & Tenay have NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER regarding the new champions. They’re like two wank robots. I’m liking Joe/Magnus as Joe gets the chance to look good after months of looking shite and Crimson/Morgan are no longer the champions. Win Win!
Bully Ray gives an excellent promo backstage, insulting Chirsty Hemme to the best of his abilities. Everyone in the fourway has had one so far, but Ray’s was the only one worth mentioning.
Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley
Shelley returns to PPV! He’s looking sweet too. Crowd finally comes alive to cheer for both men. Aries is TOO good right now and has the Kevin Steen effect of being a heel so damn entertaining it’s hard to boo him. Very fun match featuring a ton of effort from two over guys with discernible personalities. We don’t ask for much. Felt like a PPV match, unlike everything else so far on the show. Aries at one point DVD’s Shelley on the ring apron, which I wasn’t a fan off but everything else was great. Aries retains.
AJ Styles vs. Kaz
Styles vs. Kaz was another very good match and Kaz actually got to pin someone on PPV. They seem to be redoing the ROH 2002 storyline with Kaz getting the push (like Xavier) and Daniels assisting him wherever possible, mostly via smirking and looking evil. Styles cost HIMSELF the win too, rather than evil Daniels hitting him or something. Styles wasted time and effort by moonsaulting Daniels on the outside, so Kaz grabbed him and unleashed the I Love Metallica slam for the win.
Garrett vs. Gunner
Garrett vs. Gunner is my current contender for Worst Match Of The Year and it’s only February. Gunner is bland to the point where he could literally be anybody. Garrett is Scrappy Doo with a worse haircut. The crowd (mostly quiet all night) switched off completely here. Without a Wembley Arena or soundsystem to edit the noise the sad truth spoke volumes: No-one cares about Garrett. Guess which reaction TNA will continue to hear in their own heads? Gunner won after something.
Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm Bobby Roooooooo
The main event delivered enough effort and entertainment (everyone chimed in, even Hardy) and for once the finish wasn’t obvious. After twenty minutes of suplexes, uranages and wondering why Sting has BLUE and white face-paint, Sting accidentally struck Hardy with the TNA belt and counted the pin grudgingly for a very happy Roode. Quality effort, even if most of the focus was on the Special Enforcer than any of the feuds within the match.
The PPV in three sentences…
Three good matches, an injury, a title change, a shite match, a whole lot of average and one SILENT crowd. TNA in 2012 is definitely not the same TNA from 2011, 2010 etc. Instead of being frustrating and stupid however, it’s main complaint is how staggeringly dull it can be at times.