Lockdown in abridged form, because this is much more fun than typing a review out.

1. Ric Flair appears in cage. Escapes PPV without blading.

2. The main event

3. Garrett Bischoff trending on Twitter


5. Samoa Joe’s new haircut (Joe-Hawk?)

Honourable Mentions:

-Apparently there was a technical issue that caused EVERY THEATER in the US simulcasting the PPV to not work which forced TNA to give refunds to everyone who bought a ticket.

-The dead crowd.

-Hardy vs. One-Legged Angle was good.

-As was MCMG’s return. Even if they fucked their intro up (COMING SOON TO A BOTCHAMANIA NEAR YOU)

-The action in the opener was very satisfactory until the thrilling BISCH-OFF commenced.

-Eric Bischoff gone from TNA.

-Lone Loud Fan chanting for Taz during Robert Roode interview.

-Kazarian’s new haircut being greeted with ”You look stupid” chants from the audience.

And that was it. TNA has produced forgettable PPVs over the years but I hadn’t realised they’d turned Lockdown into a non-event too. No fault of the wrestlers though, I should point out. But if you’ve been following TNA for any length of time you’ll have heard it all before.

  • It’s funny that Kaz got a haircut because isn’t that why he was released from his WWE developmental deal?

    • Cosmo

      I thought Kaz quit WWE because he was pissed about spending his first month on the main roster wrestling on Velocity instead of Smackdown.

    • iomega

      I’ve actually talked to Kazarian about this… the haircut had nothing to do with it… they just had no plans for him and he told them “I don’t want to be the next Funaki” and asked for his release.

      • OctoberRaven

        That’s just silly.

        Funaki was literally the best thing in WWE in the 00s.

        Well, apart from Al Snow, Champion of Europa. AKA the greatest gimmick ever.

    • ChristopherSays

      For some reason I got a distinctly Randy Orton vibe with Kaz’s new hairstyle. Didn’t help that he did a cutter in the middle of the match IIRC.

      Also, I’ll echo the whole Gunner entrance with Anderson and RVD casually strolling around in the back. I love it when TNA’s signature guerrilla style camerawork shoots ’em in the foot like this. 

      Rumor has it that James Storm was originally booked to win the main event, but it was one of those last minute changes a la Booby Roode at Bound For Glory. Man, when I heard about this, you could just see the…screaming. 

  • Lockdown 2013 main event: TNA World Champion Crimson v. Garrett Bischoff w/David Arquette as special guest referee

    • Abe

      The finish has Arquette winning the title by some god awful stip

    • herewego!


      “The Undefeated” Crimson vs Garrett Bischoff.

  • Croc

    You’re right, that is better than a review. “The Undefeated” Crimson??? *Disapproving Stare*

  • Ah! Maff! You left out Anderson’s first ghost-swing when he enters lethal lockdock; Daniels bumps way before Anderson swings. There’s some irony in that Anderson wears a t-shirt proclaiming pro wrestling to be real, while showing it to be fake, first thing out of the blocks.

    Also, 2hrs 32mins into the ppv, Tazz reads off one of Tenay’s points, and continues to read his own scripted retort, starting with “that’s a good point…”. Genius. Fucking marvelous.

  • why am i not surprised that TNA botched the theater release. This is sad that in 2012 TNA can not accomplish what WWF did at WrestleMania 2 in 1986

  • dustin

    I saw Lockdown in Theaters and it worked fine the whole time.

  • Jay

    Why has nobody mentioned in the opener as the HEEL Gunner is walking to the ring the backstage cam catches Anderson and RVD on cam????

  • LTS

    I’m pretty sure Crimson has lost like 3 times or so early on and they’re just ignoring those.

  • Awdrgy

    Same with the camera cutting to Bischoff after being eliminated & he was seen looking fine, chatting & shaking hands with the ref.

  • PlanBFromOuterSpace

    #3 looks like a screen cap from WWF Attitude.

    Can anyone clarify what it takes to be “trending” on Twitter?  Does that mean that someone JUST searched for it a second ago?  I’d like to see what else was trending during this time.  I’d bet that Garett Bischoff was still trending WAY behind “Clown porn”.  Not that I looked…

    If wrestling booking has taught me anything over the last few years, it’s that viewers don’t WANT “Undefeated”.  They want their favorite wrestler to lose 14 matches in a row on TV.  That’s the true sign that they’re behind someone, right?  No?  *crickets*

    • Robg812

       I’m actually lookin forward to cena’s 14 losses putting over each new wrestler who comes in from FCW or japan or wherever from the past now

      • PlanBFromOuterSpace

         Ahhhh, good point, but I guess I was thinking more of the guys that need wins that they have lose like 14 times in a row.

      • Markcb

        Since one is Cena a “favorite wrestler” in both senses of the words (“favorite” and “wrestler”)?

    • Kingchuffalo

      Something trends on Twitter once it’s been tweeted about (with a #) so many times during, I believe, an hour’s time. It’s something like 2000 individual tweets to start a trend if I recall right. Pretty sure that TNA has a “tweet bank” of people on laptops in the back who just try to force trends, I know WWE has one though.

      • PlanBFromOuterSpace

         Jeez, 2000 would be like a third of of any TNA PPV audience.  Well, a third of the PAYING audience anyway.

  • Gugobyw

    Maffew, I’m begging you again, include Bully Ray cloethslining Gunner in. The next botchamania, cuz that is the highlight of the night in my opinion. Not even the wrestlers know what the fuck is going on in tna, so they just beat the shit out of each other senselessly.

    Oh, and don’t forget Anderson and RVD behind Gunner as Gunners music hits, another good moment.

    • That was a deliberate mistake, Gunner was the victim of a countered irish whip.

      Didn’t see the other one though, thanks.

  • Handlebar-Orion X.

    I couldn’t stay up through it. Most of Lockdown I felt was boring because pf the slower moves and dead crowd  reaction. And they need to redesign the cage. It looks fugly! And the giant beams on it sometimes obscure the view of some entrances. Like Velvet Sky’s entrance.

  • racem12

    On the 3rd part about Garett Bischoff tweeting worldwide, it looks like a children’s playground with a cage surrounding it. A SMALL F’N RING!

  • Ben

    Also include Eric calling Garrett a ‘Son of a Bitch’…

  • Unrelated to Lockdown (by the way, I get all of my TNA PPV fixes from the Botchamania episodes that typically follow them) , I’m looking forward to your take on the “Daniel Bryan” and “YES!” chants that plagued WM and Cena trying to play off the “We Want Lesnar” chants that covered his promo directly prior to Lesnar making a “surprising” return to WWE. Who thought WWE could have a shorter title match than Sting vs Jeff Hardy…. and it actually be planned.

  • Nymyzys

    Crimson looks like an angry Gary Senise in that screen cap.

    • Golf Wang

      I thought he looked like Gary Sinise playing Lenny instead of George with that strained look on his face in the screen cap.

      Tomato Tom-ato I guess.

    • hbenton

       Admittedly, I thought it made it look like Crimson looking looking into his neighbor’s yard and saw something that made him go, “The fuck is that?”

  • SuperBotch

    Honourable mention should also go to the lone fan’s none stop “WOOOO”ing during the entire Ric Flair promo. As annoying as he was, it was still more entertaining than the promo itself

  • Guest

    And another honourable mention should go to the faint “Climb bitch climb” chant during the Gail Kim/Velvet Sky match.

  • enzo

    Theres been better atmosphere at a funeral. crimson is abismal. No wonder they give there ppv’s away for free. 

  • NYMC32986

    How bout Insipid Taz Commentary “I’m pullin hard for Velvet.”

    Everyone Talks Too Much; during Lethal Lockdown “Garrett it’s time to go home”

    Plus the “ECW” chant during the Backstage Bobby Roode promo before the Main Event

  • Casquero


    Could someone explain why one of the ways to win a cage match is to go out through the door? Does it not undermine the whole principle of the cage match? Why do they even bother try to climb over if they can just walk through the door? Why do the other guys try to pull them down when they climb, they could just run through the door while the idiot is hauling his ass over 10 feet of cage.

    They have pin and submission which means that it isnt in case one gets injured… Please help me understand!!!

    • Darwin

      They do that because it’s pro wrestling. That means while pulling a 2-minute PPV main event HAS been done by TNA in the past, it isn’t the preferred method.