Hello and thanks for showing up to reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw Live.
And your host for this event, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, it’s Danny Damage.
This week’s episode of Raw Live is in memory of the late Mr. Fuji
– Finn Balor won the WWE Universally-Adored Championship but was also injured at Summerslam Live, forcing him to relinquish the belt.
– Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens, Big Cass and Roman Reigns won their respective matches and advanced onto the Fatal 4-Way match in tonight’s main event for the Universal Title.
We start off in the ring with Corey Graves and the four contenders for the main event tonight.. They’re also showing off that beautiful red belt again.
Lots of boos for Roman, Owens got a big pop, Rollins got his mixed reaction and no one really cared for Big Cass. Rollins is quick to take control of the conversation and says they’re all there tonight because of him; because he messed up Finn Balor. Rollins kindly offers to let Owens speak next. Owens pisses sarcastic enthusiasm all over the ring and ends by having a few digs at Big Cass. Cass admits he’s the newbie and that he hasn’t won any gold since moving on up, but that just makes him hungrier and it also means he’s got nothing to lose.
Owens asks Reigns if it’s okay for Cass to dry-hump the leg of his moniker by calling himself “The Biggest Dog”. Cass has a dig at Rollin’s use of SnapChat and assures him that size does actually matter……….while pulling Muppet faces.
Corey has to be prompted by Rollins to care to ask Reigns on his comments, to which he stands up and starts swinging for Owens, causing them all to go at it until Reigns is the only one left in the ring.
After Neville has already entered the ring. Y2J saunters around backstage and is interviewed by Tom Philips. Tomspiracies aside, Philips has certainly fused himself into the menagerie of characters in the WWE. He may not be one of the greatest ever, but he has good chemistry with a lot of the roster and I’m always more than amused when seeing him force himself into wearing his saddest face when guys like Jericho are trying their best to make him laugh and break character.
Chris Jericho vs. Neville
Great match between them, Jericho’s cunning was too much for Neville in the end though; a good old Lion-Tamer gets the win.
Bayley wanders around backstage hugging folk until she bumps into The New Day and then Dana Brooke, who puts an end to all of their fun times.
Dana gobs off a bit, so Team Bay-day put her in her place. Dana threatens them with Gallows and Anderson and New Day say that’s no problem. Dana scurries away and leaves the boys to carry away their prize.
Brute force, rag-doll tossing, Samoan Power-slam, the end. Quick and to the point. I’m not getting bored of a couple of minutes of this here and there.
I was half expecting Little Miss Jobsmith to say she was here for the “big sweaty women” beforehand, but she just did the usual home town/big heart run-down.
Weeeeeeell, out of the frying pan and into the fire it seems. Gallows and Anderson have now had career changes and are now working within the retirement business, since they gave The Dudley Boyz such an efficient send off last week.
They introduce their filthy Head Nurse, Dana Brooke and declare victory in the fight later on.
Seth Rollins video package to build the main event tonight.
Jinder Mahal vs. Sami Zayn
Zayn wins with the Helluva Kick while selling the injury from last week. Surely somewhere within the WWE creative team there must be someone that’s had even half an idea for Jinder that’s better than this bag of dog shit.
Charlotte at the table with the lads and we get a replay from the Raw Live pre-show where Sasha Banks talks about her injury and eventual return.
Gallows, Anderson & Dana Brooke vs. The New Day & Bayley
Bayley to Belly for the win. A nice six person tag, but the main point of the match was to get Charlotte over as the new champion and for her to talk shite about Sasha Banks, her injury and her joke of a title reign. Obviously there was no mention of just how much of a horrible, lazy, unsafe worker she herself is.
Cesaro backstage with Tom Philips. They’re discussing the best of seven series and Cesaro being behind Sheamus after their primary match. He’s confident and optimistic and skips along on his merry way.
Video package of Big Cass ahead of the main event tonight.
In the ring, Byron Saxton asks Sheamus for his thoughts on his upcoming match. Sheamus says Cesaro is desperate and he’ll eventually just realise that Sheamus is the better man.
Cesaro (0 points) vs. Sheamus (1 point)
Cesaro charged at Sheamus on the outside, Sheamus countered with a back body drop INTO the ring post, he threw Cesaro into the ring soon after, locked in the Cloverleaf and picked up his second win of the #BestOf7. Fair play. Having Cesaro chase for the series is the way to go I suppose.
Nothing wrong at all with either of these blokes, big fan of both. They’re great workers and happily throw themselves around and take a hell of a beating. They’re just not offering a great deal of anything new. They’d already had a couple of scuffles before the series between them was conceived. However, it is a great way to deal with fifty-fifty booking between two guys they don’t know what else to do with at the moment.
A nice memorial package for Mr. Fuji/Harry Fujiwara
Awwww, he will be missed. As a kid, he taught me most of what I know today about Japanese stereotypes.
Kevin Owens package showing his journey to tonight’s title match.
Braun mixed it up this week and hit a pop-up variant of the Reverse Choke-slam that he’s being using as of late. He also pissed all over the lad by ripping off his mask and chucking it around afterwards.
The Limelight Leech herself, Stephanie McMahon is on her way out to the ring after ordering Paul E. Heyman to explain his client’s actions at Summerslam Live.
Steph addresses Brock’s line-crossing at Summerslam Live by laying his hands on an official and for hitting Shane McMahon with an F5. Paul Heyman cuts her off and appears as she’s saying no-one messes with her family.
Steph instantly emasculates Heyman and demands he gets in the ring to apologise. She sorts the “E-C-Dub” chanting crowd members out by reminding everyone that she bought the company many years ago.
Heyman gets out his wad and begins to pay Lesnar’s $500 fine in singles until Stephanie slaps the whole lot out of his hand. She gets in Paul’s face and tells him a storm is heading his way.
“Brock Lesnar IS the storm”, Heyman Interrupts. He adds that both himself and Lesnar understand the delicate situation they have caused, but at the end of the day know that Stephanie/Raw Live is the right choice both brand and McMahon wise and Paul begs that Stephanie accepts their acknowledgement and that she sees that the fine has been paid and that all is forgiven. After some serious consideration, Stephanie accepts the apology and walks off, leaving Heyman in the ring with the knowledge he’s managed to wriggle his way out of another sticky situation.
Reminder of Finn Balor’s shoulder injury and title victory at Summerslam Live.
Yet another reminder of the Fatal 4-Way Elimination main event match tonight and Michael Cole thinks “Global” and “Universal” means the same thing, bless.
An awe-inspiring video package making Roman Reigns look REALLY strong.
Flashback from last week and we see roughly one percent of Titus’ abortion of a promo last week, with Backlund getting killed in the process.
Darren Young (w/Bob Backlund) vs. Titus O’Neil
Young sneaks a win while Titus is too busy with his angry black guy routine.
Titus sulks after the match, something tells me that this one still isn’t over.
Backstage, Mick Foley apologises to Stephanie for not having her back and being out there during her encounter with Paul Heyman. She assures him that she didn’t need it and then Seth Rollins appears. He vows to win the title and bring it home. He hugs Steph and leaves but not before Foley gets some hug-envy and slides his hand round the back of the hug like a needy little puppy.
Up Next, your Raw Live main event:
Fatal 4-Way Elimination
Big Cass vs. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
Big Cass is eliminated first. He kicked out of Rollins’ pin attempt but is immediately flattened by a Kevin Owen’s Bullfrog Splash for the three count.
Roman Reigns gets taken out next. Triple H appears from the crowd while Roman is on the outside beating down Rollins when he’s ambushed and hit with a Pedigree to the floor. Trips hurls him back in the ring and nudges Rollins on top for the cover.
Triple H makes sure Seth knows what’s going on and rolls Owens back into the ring. As Rollins approaches Owens, he’s hit with a boot to the gut from Triple H and he eats a Pedigree too!
Owens acts like he has no idea what’s going on, but he soon comes to his senses and jumps on the pin to become the new WWE Universal Champion………and the first ever, according to Stephanie McMahon.
Owens is still in shock when HHH personally presents him with the title and offers him a hand up.
Foley and Steph are gobsmacked as Triple H raises KO’s hand and leaves through the crowd.
At least Steph can nail the gormless look as/when needed and not just angry/horny/sexually-frustrated MILF.
- Holy shit balls, Kevin Owens just won the top championship on a WWE brand. We all knew it was coming…….eventually, but it’s still a little surreal when thinking back and remembering him working elsewhere and when people like him were mostly laughed at and turned away at the door in these here parts. Good stuff!
- Possible insertion of Dana Brooke in The Club and Bayley in The New Day. Juvenile humour aside, I believe that Dana’s a much better fit as Mrs. Muscle with Gallows and Anderson than she is as Charlotte’s shadow. Bayley also being part of a stable should protect her from getting lost amongst the ever-growing number of female talent on the roster and not having to depend on being known as “that bird that does all the hugging”.
- Corey Graves STILL gets a mention from me. This week it’s for putting Charlotte over himself: While my ears battled through that match, I heard the line “Charlotte being sat here is the best thing to happen to this table in months.” The modest little tinker.
- Dana Brooke as a filthy nurse.
- Byron Saxton: “Nia Jax gives me the heeby-jeebies!” – That would be the most one-sided case of sexual assault in history and for some reason, I’d find great entertainment in being witness to it!
- Gallows and Anderson continue with their DX-esque school-yard gags.
- THERE’S A FUCKING MATCH GOING ON BEHIND YOU, CUNTS! We can see it in the background. Don’t tear our attention away from it to show us Three Men and Byron!
Until next time:
With Balor being injured, it means the WWE have had to change their direction a little. As I stated last week, Owens would have been the obvious choice if I were the man with the say so, so I’m happy. But what do others think?
Is Owens the man for the job?
It also looks like a Seth Rollins face turn could be on the horizon; many people have longed for it since his injury. With the returning Super Evil HHH aligning himself with one of the best heels in the business in Owens, it looks to me like Stephanie will need Seth the Shining White Knight to help her get the title back in her possession once again, only this time, they’ll both be playing the baby faces!