Danny Damage's The Raw Rant @ Botchamania.com

Hello and thanks for showing up to reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw Live.

And your host for this event, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, it’s Danny Damage.




 


This week’s episode of Raw Live is in memory of the late Mr. Fuji


 


LAST WEEK:


– Finn Balor won the WWE Universally-Adored Championship but was also injured at Summerslam Live, forcing him to relinquish the belt.

– Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens, Big Cass and Roman Reigns won their respective matches and advanced onto the Fatal 4-Way match in tonight’s main event for the Universal Title.


 


#RAW Live:


We start off in the ring with Corey Graves and the four contenders for the main event tonight..  They’re also showing off that beautiful red belt again.



Lots of boos for Roman, Owens got a big pop, Rollins got his mixed reaction and no one really cared for Big Cass.  Rollins is quick to take control of the conversation and says they’re all there tonight because of him; because he messed up Finn Balor.  Rollins kindly offers to let Owens speak next.  Owens pisses sarcastic enthusiasm all over the ring and ends by having a few digs at Big Cass.  Cass admits he’s the newbie and that he hasn’t won any gold since moving on up, but that just makes him hungrier and it also means he’s got nothing to lose.



Owens asks Reigns if it’s okay for Cass to dry-hump the leg of his moniker by calling himself “The Biggest Dog”.  Cass has a dig at Rollin’s use of SnapChat and assures him that size does actually matter……….while pulling Muppet faces.



Corey has to be prompted by Rollins to care to ask Reigns on his comments, to which he stands up and starts swinging for Owens, causing them all to go at it until Reigns is the only one left in the ring.



 


LATER:



 


After Neville has already entered the ring. Y2J saunters around backstage and is interviewed by Tom Philips.  Tomspiracies aside, Philips has certainly fused himself into the menagerie of characters in the WWE.  He may not be one of the greatest ever, but he has good chemistry with a lot of the roster and I’m always more than amused when seeing him force himself into wearing his saddest face when guys like Jericho are trying their best to make him laugh and break character.



Chris Jericho vs. Neville



Great match between them, Jericho’s cunning was too much for Neville in the end though; a good old Lion-Tamer gets the win.


 


EARLIER TODAY:


Bayley wanders around backstage hugging folk until she bumps into The New Day and then Dana Brooke, who puts an end to all of their fun times.



Dana gobs off a bit, so Team Bay-day put her in her place.  Dana threatens them with Gallows and Anderson and New Day say that’s no problem.  Dana scurries away and leaves the boys to carry away their prize.


Bay-razzers


 


 #SquashMatch #NiaSmash


Brute force, rag-doll tossing, Samoan Power-slam, the end.  Quick and to the point.  I’m not getting bored of a couple of minutes of this here and there.



I was half expecting Little Miss Jobsmith to say she was here for the “big sweaty women” beforehand, but she just did the usual home town/big heart run-down.


 


Weeeeeeell, out of the frying pan and into the fire it seems.  Gallows and Anderson have now had career changes and are now working within the retirement business, since they gave The Dudley Boyz such an efficient send off last week.



They introduce their filthy Head Nurse, Dana Brooke and declare victory in the fight later on.


 


Seth Rollins video package to build the main event tonight.


 


#GetTheSlightlyForeignGuyOverMoreByHavingHimBeatTheSuperUltraMegaForeignGuy



Jinder Mahal vs. Sami Zayn


Zayn wins with the Helluva Kick while selling the injury from last week.  Surely somewhere within the WWE creative team there must be someone that’s had even half an idea for Jinder that’s better than this bag of dog shit.


 


COMING UP:



Charlotte at the table with the lads and we get a replay from the Raw Live pre-show where Sasha Banks talks about her injury and eventual return.


 


#6PersonTagWithCharlotteHurtingMyEarsOnCommentary


Gallows, Anderson & Dana Brooke vs. The New Day & Bayley


Nurse Filth


Bayley to Belly for the win.  A nice six person tag, but the main point of the match was to get Charlotte over as the new champion and for her to talk shite about Sasha Banks, her injury and her joke of a title reign.  Obviously there was no mention of just how much of a horrible, lazy, unsafe worker she herself is.


 


Cesaro backstage with Tom Philips.  They’re discussing the best of seven series and Cesaro being behind Sheamus after their primary match.  He’s confident and optimistic and skips along on his merry way.


 


Video package of Big Cass ahead of the main event tonight.


 


In the ring, Byron Saxton asks Sheamus for his thoughts on his upcoming match.  Sheamus says Cesaro is desperate and he’ll eventually just realise that Sheamus is the better man.


#NewEraNewMatchesBestOf7Series


Cesaro (0 points) vs. Sheamus (1 point)


Cesaro charged at Sheamus on the outside, Sheamus countered with a back body drop INTO the ring post, he threw Cesaro into the ring soon after, locked in the Cloverleaf and picked up his second win of the #BestOf7.  Fair play.  Having Cesaro chase for the series is the way to go I suppose.



Nothing wrong at all with either of these blokes, big fan of both.  They’re great workers and happily throw themselves around and take a hell of a beating.  They’re just not offering a great deal of anything new.  They’d already had a couple of scuffles before the series between them was conceived.  However, it is a great way to deal with fifty-fifty booking between two guys they don’t know what else to do with at the moment.


 


A nice memorial package for Mr. Fuji/Harry Fujiwara





Awwww, he will be missed.  As a kid, he taught me most of what I know today about Japanese stereotypes.


 


Kevin Owens package showing his journey to tonight’s title match.


 


#ElSquashMatch



HHHUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!


#StrowmanSmash



Braun mixed it up this week and hit a pop-up variant of the Reverse Choke-slam that he’s being using as of late.  He also pissed all over the lad by ripping off his mask and chucking it around afterwards.


 


The Limelight Leech herself, Stephanie McMahon is on her way out to the ring after ordering Paul E. Heyman to explain his client’s actions at Summerslam Live.


 



 


#TimeForAHugeChunkOfNotWrestling



Steph addresses Brock’s line-crossing at Summerslam Live by laying his hands on an official and for hitting Shane McMahon with an F5.  Paul Heyman cuts her off and appears as she’s saying no-one messes with her family.



Steph instantly emasculates Heyman and demands he gets in the ring to apologise.  She sorts the “E-C-Dub” chanting crowd members out by reminding everyone that she bought the company many years ago.



Heyman gets out his wad and begins to pay Lesnar’s $500 fine in singles until Stephanie slaps the whole lot out of his hand.  She gets in Paul’s face and tells him a storm is heading his way.



“Brock Lesnar IS the storm”, Heyman Interrupts.  He adds that both himself and Lesnar understand the delicate situation they have caused, but at the end of the day know that Stephanie/Raw Live is the right choice both brand and McMahon wise and Paul begs that Stephanie accepts their acknowledgement and that she sees that the fine has been paid and that all is forgiven.  After some serious consideration, Stephanie accepts the apology and walks off, leaving Heyman in the ring with the knowledge he’s managed to wriggle his way out of another sticky situation.



 


Reminder of Finn Balor’s shoulder injury and title victory at Summerslam Live.



 


Yet another reminder of the Fatal 4-Way Elimination main event match tonight and Michael Cole thinks “Global” and “Universal” means the same thing, bless.


 


An awe-inspiring video package making Roman Reigns look REALLY strong.


 


Flashback from last week and we see roughly one percent of Titus’ abortion of a promo last week, with Backlund getting killed in the process.


 


#AnotherNewEraMatchUp


Darren Young (w/Bob Backlund) vs. Titus O’Neil



Young sneaks a win while Titus is too busy with his angry black guy routine.



Titus sulks after the match, something tells me that this one still isn’t over.


 


Backstage, Mick Foley apologises to Stephanie for not having her back and being out there during her encounter with Paul Heyman.  She assures him that she didn’t need it and then Seth Rollins appears.  He vows to win the title and bring it home.  He hugs Steph and leaves but not before Foley gets some hug-envy and slides his hand round the back of the hug like a needy little puppy.


 


Up Next, your Raw Live main event:



 


#UniversalChampionship


Fatal 4-Way Elimination


Big Cass vs. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins


Big Cass is eliminated first.  He kicked out of Rollins’ pin attempt but is immediately flattened by a Kevin Owen’s Bullfrog Splash for the three count.



Roman Reigns gets taken out next.  Triple H appears from the crowd while Roman is on the outside beating down Rollins when he’s ambushed and hit with a Pedigree to the floor.  Trips hurls him back in the ring and nudges Rollins on top for the cover.



Triple H makes sure Seth knows what’s going on and rolls Owens back into the ring.  As Rollins approaches Owens, he’s hit with a boot to the gut from Triple H and he eats a Pedigree too!


Owens acts like he has no idea what’s going on, but he soon comes to his senses and jumps on the pin to become the new WWE Universal Champion………and the first ever, according to Stephanie McMahon.


Owens is still in shock when HHH personally presents him with the title and offers him a hand up.



Foley and Steph are gobsmacked as Triple H raises KO’s hand and leaves through the crowd.


At least Steph can nail the gormless look as/when needed and not just angry/horny/sexually-frustrated MILF.



 


Afterthoughts:


GOOD SHIT:



  • Holy shit balls, Kevin Owens just won the top championship on a WWE brand.  We all knew it was coming…….eventually, but it’s still a little surreal when thinking back and remembering him working elsewhere and when people like him were mostly laughed at and turned away at the door in these here parts.  Good stuff!

  • Possible insertion of Dana Brooke in The Club and Bayley in The New Day.  Juvenile humour aside, I believe that Dana’s a much better fit as Mrs. Muscle with Gallows and Anderson than she is as Charlotte’s shadow.  Bayley also being part of a stable should protect her from getting lost amongst the ever-growing number of female talent on the roster and not having to depend on being known as “that bird that does all the hugging”.

  • Corey Graves STILL gets a mention from me.  This week it’s for putting Charlotte over himself:  While my ears battled through that match, I heard the line “Charlotte being sat here is the best thing to happen to this table in months.”  The modest little tinker.

  • Dana Brooke as a filthy nurse.


 


BAD SHIT:



  • Byron Saxton: “Nia Jax gives me the heeby-jeebies!” – That would be the most one-sided case of sexual assault in history and for some reason, I’d find great entertainment in being witness to it!

  • Gallows and Anderson continue with their DX-esque school-yard gags.

  • THERE’S A FUCKING MATCH GOING ON BEHIND YOU, CUNTS!  We can see it in the background.  Don’t tear our attention away from it to show us Three Men and Byron!



 


Until next time:


With Balor being injured, it means the WWE have had to change their direction a little.  As I stated last week, Owens would have been the obvious choice if I were the man with the say so, so I’m happy.  But what do others think?


Is Owens the man for the job?


It also looks like a Seth Rollins face turn could be on the horizon; many people have longed for it since his injury.  With the returning Super Evil HHH aligning himself with one of the best heels in the business in Owens, it looks to me like Stephanie will need Seth the Shining White Knight to help her get the title back in her possession once again, only this time, they’ll both be playing the baby faces!


 


Digest and discuss! You can follow me as I work away on Twitter (@BluntDamage) for additional nuggets of wisdom and also on Instagram (@DannyBluntDamage) to see me shoot photographs of my other hobbies and guilty pleasures. Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you next week!


Danny Damage

  • Danny Damage

    Sorry for the delay folks. Only finished watching the show last night. Had a mental week.

  • BloodOnlySpills

    Hmmm. I have two options, suicide or watch Face-Steph hog even more of the screentime. Hmm.

  • Catherine Bouey

    “Obviously there was no mention of just how much of a horrible, lazy, unsafe worker she herself is”.

    Likely because people are too busy mentioning how horrible, lazy, & unsafe a worker Rollins is.

    • Danny Damage

      You’re probably right. I think people are focusing on this a bit much too. I agree that some of his moves are a little more risky than others, but that doesn’t deem him as being unsafe overall.

      He’s not unceremoniously dropping people on their heads/necks like Flair Jr. manages to find ways of doing week in and week out. She’s the daughter of someone that most people call the best in the business and had the best training that money can buy, yet she’s still so far away from being half decent she should be fucking embarrassed.

      I think Eva Marie is a quicker learner than Charlotte, she at least looks like she tries harder and doesn’t have her surname to fall back onto.

      I even saw Eva sell a move one time too! It wasn’t for very long, but that’s still once more than Charlotte.

      • Catherine Bouey

        If Eva were a quick learner she’d would’ve figured out long ago no one wants to see her wrestle……..excuse me attempt to wrestle along with scrapping her awful dye job which she finally did.

        • Danny Damage

          Lol. I agree. I’m reminded of the saying “you can’t teach pork”, Eva IS dire, but Charlotte’s worse imo. At least she’s trying to get better. If she actually gets the hang of it AND Still has that level of determination, she’ll be a valuable asset to the roster, lot of big IF’s there though.

          I think Eva HAS figured that out, hence the lack of actual matches she’s had since being moved onto Smackdown.

          The WWE just can’t say no to a Flair and they’ll break their necks to protect Ric/Charles regardless of who is getting cast aside/broken in the process.

          • Catherine Bouey

            Well to be fair the lack of matches on Smackdown may have had something to do with flunking her drug test.

            Though whether that was a good thing or WWE simply showing how loose their definition of double standard is, is up to debate.

          • Danny Damage

            I was of the understanding that her whole suspension thing was a work to keep her away from stumbling through a proper match and have her return at a Diva’s Battle Royal for the belt, toss one person out and piss more people off by winning the belt by doing very little!

          • Catherine Bouey

            ……You know I wouldn’t have put it past them to do something like that.

  • Tobaaarr

    Quite interested in seeing Owens’ first promo as Universal Champ. He’ll inevitably get the “you deserve it!” chants and some more adulation, so I’m looking forward to what sarcastic witty heelish promo he comes up with.

    Also, does this mean Rollins vs HHH and Owens vs Reigns for the title? It’d be one huge travesty if Owens has a short title reign/loses to Roman.

    I agreed with your idea last week of Dana being Charlotte’s Mizdow. All from a sudden they abandoned that team.

    I also think booking a come-from-behind underdog storyline for Cesaro is the way to go. The only thing I wish is to see a Ziggler/Miz promo from Cesaro to get him fired up. I really think that’s what’s lacking in this rivalry. Make me interested, make me wonder who really is the best one, not only in the ring because their abilities are already very good as it is. I think that’s why this one is getting dull real fast. The comeback story will save it.

    I’ve reading your “Raw Rants” since you came back and there are a lot of things that I disagree with. What’s your fixation with hating on Charlotte? Yeah, sloppy at times and her voice IS indeed disastrous, but your hatred is borderline pathological. Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. Even if I don’t agree with some of your views, I still see this as a good platform to debate.

    Ever thought about doing something similar with NXT? NXT really is what’s kept me interested in WWE as a product for the last year. I think NXT deserves this kinda treatment. Oh, well.

    Stay well.

    • Danny Damage

      The crowd were chanting that at Owens as Raw went off the air anyway, so it’s something that should definitely be pre-empted. But yeah, I remember him putting the crowd in their place when he won the ROH title a few years back, it will be interesting.

      I don’t think they’d shit on Owens in that respect and just have him keep the belt warm for Roman until the next PPV. I could be wrong, but I think they’ll see the fan reaction to Owens’ win and run with it. **fingers crossed**

      I’ll keep putting Charlotte down as long as there are people going blue in the face trying to convince me that she’s great and one of the best around just because of her physique and/or her surname. Regardless of any argument to the contrary that I’ve heard, her entire gimmick IS that she’s Ric Flair’s daughter, that’s it, nothing else. In my opinion, you need a little more than that.

      This is pretty much the same issue that “everyone” has with Roman, apparently, but it hasn’t become a band wagon activity to boo Flair Jr. just yet and the fickle folk will just start “woooo’ing” whenever she or her old man are in view (or just mentioned by name) as people will do anything to be part of a crowd chant/anything these days.

      She is WORSE than the talent that get constant verbal abuse like Cena, Reigns and Eva Marie, yet because she has a VERY simple catchphrase/a very simple doorway into the audience participation zone, people don’t acknowledge this and end up wasting a lot of oxygen trying to convert me into becoming a Charlotte fan.

      I’d consider running through the other shows, but time is an issue for me at the moment. I only have time for one of these a week, but if there’s demand for it, then I may be able to accommodate this idea in the future.

      Cheers for reading and leaving your thoughts.

  • “… the main point of the match was to get Charlotte over as the new champion…”
    I think I actually never caught up the fact that she was not a champion for a month or so. Hope it get better now, after Sasha deals with her injuries.

    Pissed myself with joy when KO won the belt that keeps the hatin’… though I would prefer not so much HHH involvement. Hope he keeps the tile at least till the Rumble… I am pretty sure he won’t be with it after that. He can have a sweet feud with Jericho (though he is a heel – not sure how this will work), Sami is holding a victory over him on a PPV… Cesaro is coming his way as well, I presume… BROCK is still to have his rematch, Roman is still getting shoved down our (or at least mine) throat, Seth is there too, complaining. I hope the last two get stuck in a feud with HHH and some goon squad of his for couple of months, for us to get a breath of fresh air in the Main Event scene. Fresh faces there are, err, refreshing. 😕