Danny Damage's The Raw Rant @ Botchamania.com

Hello and thanks for showing up to reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw Live.

And your host for this event, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, it’s Danny Damage.




 


Last week on Raw Live:


A shit load of quotes and tweets trying to sell the ending of Raw Live last week being the most shocking thing in the history of man EVER.  More shocking things that spring to mind are Ziggler’s Cash-in, CM Punk’s return after MITB Chicago, Austin and the beer truck and the Nexus debut, to name a few.


We’re then reminded of Triple H showing up to cost both Roman Reigns AND Seth Rollins the WWE Universal Championship, leaving Kevin Owens to take home the gold.


 


Earlier today:


Stephanie McMahon is on the phone and arranging Kevin Owen’s big celebration.  Mick Foley shows up and demands she explains what went down last week, she can’t explain as she claims to be in the dark too. She eventually convinces Mick to cautiously trust her in the end.



 


#RAW Live:


Fucking hell.



Stephanie and Mick are already in the ring and are already back on the screen again so soon.  They introduce their new Universal Champion and give him a bit of a balloon and firework show.



Owens hears the crowd and says he already knows he deserves it. He tells them that their chanting is an attempt to steal his moment and it isn’t appreciated this week or last week and although Triple H’s “little nudge” last week was in fact appreciated, it wasn’t needed in the grand scheme of things as he’d already done ninety-eight percent of the work anyway.



Seth Rollins marches down to the ring and gets right in Steph’s face and demands an explanation.  She swears she had no idea what Triple H was doing and that she’s innocent in the whole matter.



Rollins continues to kick off at everyone until Owens goads him into hitting him.  Steph can’t call off Seth, so she tells him he’s suspended.



Foley speaks up and not only reverses the suspension, but makes a title match at Clash of Champions Live. He ensures Steph that she has to trust his judgement as Seth WAS wronged last week.


 


Foley and Stephanie are on screen AGAIN!



Owens shows up, as does Jericho.  Y2J sticks up for his friend, but gets put in a match against Rollins tonight for his efforts.



 


Bayley vs. Charlotte (w/Dana Brooke)


SOME FUCK NUGGET DECIDED TO HAVE THE ANNOUNCE TEAM STAND AND TALK TO THE CAMERA WHILE BAYLEY MADE HER WAY DOWN THE RAMP!



Here’s an idea to help you while trying to put Bayley over, KEEP THE FUCKING CAMERA ON HER WHILE HER MUSIC IS ON AND YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HER! That way, my dehydrated grape of a simple brain will associate your words with the person in front of my eyes.



Bayley hit Charlotte with a Bayley to Belly after Bayley caused a clash between Charlotte and Dana.



Early on, Michael Cole demonstrates that he doesn’t know the difference between a knee-strike and a kick and yet later he attempts to speculate whether Bayley tweaked her knee or her hamstring during her ring-post kick botch.


 


A taster of a few more of the Cruiser Weight Classic guys coming on Raw Live in 2 weeks.


 


Charlotte yells at Dana backstage about the match she just lost.



My ears bleed some more.  Dana gets the blame and a slap.


 


#BolieveInBo



Bo Dallas actually won a squash match.  The lad’s trimmed down a bit too. I hope this is going somewhere good.


 


Sigh.



Impending delusional breakdown on the way.  I wanted this to stop after the first “ringpostitus” skit.  Not because it was bad initially, just that it was fun the one time they decided to play The New Day at their own game; you don’t need them diluted down with piss every week with long segments.


 


Jeri-KO enjoy their Canadian Bromance backstage and Jericho vows to teach Seth Rollins a lesson next.



 


#RollinsVsJericho


Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins


Great match between these guys.  Rollins put Jericho away with a Pedigree.



I was half expecting a new finisher for Seth, but I thought it was a toss-up whether he’d wash his hands of his old mentor’s hand me down move, or if he’d use it to send a message to Triple H instead.


 


Cesaro (0 points) vs. Sheamus (2 points)



Cesaro’s back is still fucked, Sheamus focuses on this throughout and knocks out Cesaro with a Brogue Kick, making him only one win away from a flawless victory.



 


Primo and Epico are in the ring, praising their homeland until Enzo and Cass do all their catchphrases on their way into the ring.



Enzo and Cass bore me for ten minutes before I realise they’re actually having a match next.



Enzo pretends to give birth…………..Funny stuff.


Enzo & Cass vs. The Shining Stars


Same old shit for the majority of the match. Enzo sells for ages, near tags, hot tag to Cass, faces clean house, but then Enzo gets rolled up off of a distraction after their usual material.



Good for The Shining Stars. It’s about time something became of them since their repackage a while back.


 


Philips and Sami Zayn backstage, Sami saying he’s a tad jealous because KO got to the title first even though he beat him at Battleground Live.  Owens shows up and re-enforces Zayn’s inferiority since Owens is the one with the gold and Zayn still has nothing.



 


Nia Jax Squash match.


A bit of this.



Leads to three seconds of that.



Job’s a good ‘en.


 


#FantasyLand



Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson bad mouth The New Day and say they’re going to take their Tag Team Titles at Clash of Champions Live.  They also introduce a few local henchmen that join in the piss taking of The New Day party.



The New Day show up and they’re looking for a fight.  They were all business.  No dick jokes or anything of the sort.



Gallows and Anderson flee while The New Day make very light work of their local toadies in the ring.



The Club look forward to their title opportunity at Clash of Champions Live.


 


Absolutely nothing else happened.



This is exactly how it all went down.


 



 


Flashback of Darren Young’s win over Titus O’Neil last week and then Titus’ beat down on Young and Backlund.


Darren Young (w/Bob Backlund) vs. Jinder Mahal


Young hits The Gut Check to win the match.  Titus tried to distract Young, but to no avail.  Young jumps Titus after the match and celebrates with Backlund.



 


Alicia Fox leaves the trainer’s room where she was visiting her friend that was recently destroyed by Nia Jax.   Nia gloats and Foxy turns on the angry sass.



Foxy loses her shit, she throws a load of stuff at Nia and belts her POW! right in the kisser.  They forget they’re live.



Nia then shoves Foxy over and storms off, leaving Alicia to pull the old angry-pout-face.


 


Braun Strowman vs. Sin Cara


Strowman demolished Sin Cara and left him on the outside to get counted out.  Not the greatest way to show how Strowman would handle a non-jobber calibre opponent.  I think the referee messed up with the count too.



 


#TooMuchMakeUp



Sasha Banks struts out and teases that she is done.  You know, that old badger.  That old chestnut.  That old song and dance that’s never been done before and isn’t just a really cheap way of making people’s heart strings tug, even if just for a moment.  Classy move for a face there when Daniel Bryan and others still knock around and see the product.



She reckons women’s wrestling HAS changed in the WWE.  Sadly, I disagree.  Anyway, she makes it seem like the bad news is about her having to hang up her boots.



Dana Brooke attempts to rain on Sasha’s parade, but is locked in the Bank Statement by the former champion.  Sasha announces the bad news is in fact for Charlotte as Sasha is medically clear and is getting her rematch at Clash of Champions.



 


#OwensVsZayn


We go straight into track number three of the Kevin Steen vs. El Generico Greatest Hits CD.



Zayn sold his ankle injury again and crumbled when trying to run in for a Helluva Kick.



Owens had to improvise and finish the one-legged Zayn with a standard Power-bomb.



Once the match was over, Roman Reigns popped out to say hello and Owens kept his distance.



Jericho wasn’t a fan of Roman’s intentions, so he arrives to back up his buddy.



Mick Foley is on my screen one last fucking time tonight to set things straight.



Next week’s Raw Live will feature Roman Reigns vs Kevin Owens. if Reigns wins, he’s in a triple threat at Clash of Champions Live vs. Owens and Rollins.


 


Afterthoughts.


It was always going to be hard to compete with last week’s Raw Live.  I mostly enjoyed the show this week, mostly.


So here’s a weak thumbs up from me and Roman.



Good shit:



  • Jericho and Owens

  • Great matches

  • The possibility of Bo Dallas being used for something other than being on the receiving end of comedy beat-downs.  Leader of the Raw Live Wyatt’s perhaps?  They should give him Strowman as some extra muscle.

  • Loving the new KO shirt with the modified Raw is War logo.


 


Bad Shit:



  • A segment so painful, I had to encourage my mind to shut down, evoke a psychological episode and lie about what happened during “The Old Day” segment.  FUCKING DIRE.  Waste of fantastic talent.  Great way to put people off caring about the Raw Live tag titles and all five men involved.

  • This week was even more like The Stephanie & Mick show.  I’m getting sick myself of complaining about too many General Managers and the like, but I’m going grumble for a while yet if they continue on at this volume.

  • Enzo and Cass again!  Piss break o’clock as per usual.

  • Dana and Charlotte are back together, albeit for a short time it seems; cracks are visible in their relationship and I’m hoping they split them up soon and put Dana with someone she can actually learn stuff from.  The lass ain’t fantastic at the minute, but she’s got potential.

  • Speaking of the women, I can handle Sasha smiling and waving a lot if they’re going to use her properly the rest of the time; but they’re not letting her be the brilliant dick head that she can be AND she’s just getting knocked around by Charlotte and others while demonstrating her horrible use of the English language.  If they don’t give Sasha back the belt and have her start working with the other girls for the title (heel turn optional), I’d be perfectly happy with Ronda Rousey finally showing up once, literally destroying EVERYONE with a vagina (and therefore the division) and walking out with the blood covered belt in her teeth, none of it ever to be seen again.


 


Until Next Time:


Why did they have Roman just wander out and get slung back into the title picture at the end?  I get that he has a legitimate reason for being rewarded another shot since he also got screwed last week, but why couldn’t they have tried to add him into the mix in a more interesting way?  They’re not helping themselves or Roman by just slipping him in there all willy-nilly.


Personally, I would have had him speak up much sooner in the show, like a few minutes after Rollins was named the challenger for Owen’s belt at Clash of Champions Live. It was a bit too much like Roman just jumped into the spotlight that was left on at the end of a half decent show and a great match.


If they were so adamant on having Reigns be the shocker at the end of the show, then just have Owens and Zayn fight earlier on and book Rollins vs. Jericho as the main event.  Owens would help Jericho win, they’d beat down Rollins after the match to try to put him out of action before their title match at Clash of Champions Live; AND THEN Roman Reigns can come out to make sure Owens doesn’t get his way once again and have his quarrels recognised.


Reigns still gets his match against Owens the following week.  Jericho comes out to help Owens again, then Rollins comes out to even the score. He doesn’t managed to save Roman from being screwed out of the win, but his efforts are acknowledged nonetheless.  Thus creating an unexpected alliance between two former Shield members and a possibly a way to get some of that trendy, trendy hate off of Roman Reigns………….momentarily.


This could then lead to Rollins finally earning Roman’s trust (and indirect protection) after a month or two of trying to take Owens’ title and them fighting The Authority V. 6.21021b together, only to have Roman turn on Rollins as he is finally about to win the belt from Owens.  Roman later reveals that he blames Rollins and not Jericho for his failed chance to be added to the Clash of Champions Live title match and that’s why he did what he did.


Alas, these are the mere dreams of a simple man.  I should really try and dial down the imaginative escapism.  Reality very rarely delivers and this was proven again this week as all they managed on Raw Live was having Reigns interfering and looking really strong against two men, one of which is the newly crowned WWE Universal Champion.


 


Digest and discuss! You can follow me as I work away on Twitter (@BluntDamage) for additional nuggets of wisdom and also on Instagram (@DannyBluntDamage) to see me shoot photographs of my other hobbies and guilty pleasures. Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you next week!


Danny Damage

  • Jack Squat

    This was way better than the show. Thanks!

    • Danny Damage

      Thanks very much! Tell your friends! 🙂

  • Catherine Bouey

    “Foxy looses her shit,”

    Was she constipated?

    • Danny Damage

      Cheers!

      • Catherine Bouey

        Cheers to you too.

  • The Whole F’n Preshow Neville

    #TooMuchMakeUp

    Who? Sasha? Dana?

    • Danny Damage

      All of them, all of the time! 😛

      But yeah, was talking about Sasha at that moment. I had also noticed that Dana had “doubled her efforts” too! :/