THE RAW RANT: 3rd October 2016

Danny Damage's THE RAW RANT @ Botchamania.com


Hello and thanks for showing up to rant, rave and reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw Live. Here is your host, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, it’s Danny Damage.


 


No recap, just a heads-up on some of the fun we have to look forward to tonight.


 


Later tonight:


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#RAW Live


 


Roman Reigns opens the show AGAIN.  Are they just trying to get him out of the way so the kids can go to bed or something?  We’re reminded of how Roman obtained the belt and we’re shown stills from Clash of Champions Live.


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The Big Dog talks about his bloodline and that he’s the first of his kin to win the US Title.  He says that’s  because he is THE guy.  Before he has a chance to ramble on any more, Lana………………..


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Erm, yeah, sorry.  Lana turns up to a “Thank you Lana” chant from the crowd for cutting off Reigns.  She issues a challenge on behalf of Rusev for the US Title while speaking TOO MUCH and back-flipping between accents.  Roman laughs and mocks their marriage.  They’ve both been talking way too long now.


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Rusev agrees and comes to put and end to this nonsense, he and Roman brawl.  The scuffle ends with Rusev kicking Reigns over the barricade and into the crowd.


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He and Lana leave and start to carry the US Title up the ramp.


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Reigns appears from behind and Superman Punches Rusev, laying him out cold.


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Roman accepts the challenge and says it’ll be in/at Hell in a Cell Live!


 


 


We’re shown a brief video package of the TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick rivalry, their match is next.


 


 


#Cruiserweight


Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins


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After gaining the advantage by raking the eyes, Kendrick makes the champion tap out with The Captain’s Hook.  Kendrick is now expected to receive another title opportunity in the future, despite this match being billed as a title match last week.


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Kendrick tied Perkins’ hand up in the turn-buckle in a nice/nasty spot early on too, which was nice.


 


 


Michael Cole has a sit down chat with Seth Rollins.


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They compare Rollins and Owens, both in respect to their paths to the WWE and their relationships with Triple H.  Seth says he’s going to cancel The Kevin Owens show if he gets the rematch he deserves.


 


 


Later: Owens responds to Rollins


 


 


HHHUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!


#StrowmanSmash


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Strowman chucks some poor sod around and then ends it with a Running Powerslam.


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Saxton asks Strowman where this is all going.  Strowman decides he’s done with weaklings and demands some real competition next week.  If Foley doesn’t adhere, there “won’t be a next week”.


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I’m hoping no one shows next week and Byron is forced to face off against Strowman and gets head-butted into a fine paste.


 


 


Bayley and Sasha take only five seconds to forcefully remind everyone that they’re trying to push the women’s title match being the main event.


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IT’S NOT BECAUSE IT’S UNIVERSAL MAMMARY & VAGINA MONTH OR ANYTHING!!!!!



WE DO THIS ALL THE TIME!!!!



HONEST!!!


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By them mentioning it being “like Trish and Lita territory”, they immediately shoot any genuine, future claim of that point-blank in the face.  Fuck off, both of you.


What the fuck happened to Bayley’s clothes?  It she newly homeless?


Bayley’s being a little TOO nice in my opinion.


Being ridiculously fucking gullible and stupid (even more so than usual) is either Bayley’s new(er) persona, or she’s misleading Sasha and being a little bit sneaky.


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I forgot to watch her hands as she walked away.


 


 


The boys at the table announce that Reigns vs. Rusev at Hell in a Cell Live has been confirmed.


 


 


Kevin Owens marches out, Chris Jericho and The List of Jericho in tow.  Owens says Rollins is a stupid idiot for wanting to get back in the ring so soon;  also, seeing as referees are shite-hawks, Jericho should be the official  for the match if Rollins weasels his way into a title shot.


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Jericho reckons they should have a pop at the tag titles too and show just how awesome a unit they are, but Owens says he’s too busy at the moment.  Jericho points out he’s avoiding having Owen’s title in his sights, so Owens instantly agrees to compete for tag team gold and that brings out the champs.


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The New Day claim to be better friends than Jeri-KO and Jericho puts them all on The List.


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Owens says The New Day jumped the shark a good seven months ago.  Xavier responds with a fat joke and earns himself a second spot on The List of Jericho.


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New Day ultimately accept the challenge and give Y2KO time to get changed and all that.


 


 


Earlier:  The Cheeky Bastard, Cesaro and Sheamus aren’t getting on very well as they arrive at the arena.


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Sami Zayn vs. Titus O’Neil


Sami scores the victory with a Helluva Kick.


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“The Titus Brand” was unveiled before the match.


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Good for Sami, quieten down Titus.


 


 


Sheamus and Cesaro squabble some more until Foley shows up and tells them to focus their frustration on their opponents tonight.


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They act like two sulking kids at a boarding school being forced to bunk together.


 


 


Fuck sake.  I thought Golden Truth was killed with fire month ago.  Not many people seem impressed to be fair, especially Gallows and Anderson who didn’t even get an entrance so they could get all the sing-along shit in there.


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Gallows & Anderson vs. Golden Truth


Magic Killer on R-Truth.


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Goldust gets one post-match too.


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The table crew’s unrelenting message throughout the match was “these guys will change the tag team landscape”.  They’re obviously forgetting The Club’s very recent, very unsuccessful attempts to defeat The New Day or make any serious kind of impact at all.


 


 


Jericho and Owens bump into Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson.  Quality goof-ball Jericho antics ensue with Owens just rolling his eyes.


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Jericho advises the celeb guests to stay out of their business during their match later.


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#SusanGKomen


AKA


#2TitsPresentBreastCancerAwareness


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AKA


#NiceGestureButVinnyMacReallyDoesntCare


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Miz fan on the right.


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Bless ’em.


 


 


Kutcher and Masterson join Corey and co. at the commentary table plugging their TV show.  To be fair, they weren’t the worst guests ever.


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Jericho and Owens are already present as The New Day are just about done dancing to the ring.


Jeri-KO vs. The New Day


Great tag team work from both sides.


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Jericho sports a crimson goatee after exchanging a few stiff slaps with Big E.


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Owens wipes his buddy’s nose clean.


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Seth Rollin’s music hits mid-match and it causes Owens to take his eyes off of Xavier, opening the window for him to tag Big E in.


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More heelish shenanigans follow.


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Then it looks like Xavier is going to tap to Jericho’s Lion-tamer.


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Rollins jumps on the apron and causes Jericho to release the hold, Xavier makes the tag to Big E, Midnight hour, done.


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Owens watches on as Rollins joins The New Day in the ring and hits Jericho with a Pedigree.


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Byron was just happy to not be the greenest guy at the table for a change.


 


 


Tom Philips backstage with Charlotte and Dana Brooke.  He asks if there are any butterflies.


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Charlotte was sounding stronger than usual again, just like last week, UNTIL she ruined it all and WOOOO’d.


Sigh.


 


 


Rich Swann package.


 


 


Stephanie McMahon gets in Rollins’ face and questions his actions earlier.


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Rollins demands a title rematch as soon as possible, otherwise he’ll burn Raw Live to the ground and take Owens, Jericho and everyone else with him.


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Seth leaves and Steph gets a tingle in her knickers at Rollins’ statement and the view.


 


 


#Cruiserweight


Rich Swann vs. Tony Nese


Nese takes out Swann with a Pump-handle Michinoku Driver.  Love it.


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I was only telling a friend a couple of weeks ago that I’d like to see someone using that move as a finisher on TV, I wasn’t aware someone was already on the case.


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Both guys looked great, both contributing nicely to the new division.


 


 


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Fuck off!  We’ve already got plenty of lady meat and baps out on constantly updated feeds EVERYWHERE.  Why strip one of the few remaining characters from the DIVA’S division and turn her into yet another Instagram nesting bird that likes to wrestle AND show off her bits via the means of a flood of photographs on social media?


They already fucked up Naomi’s mean bitch persona recently, no need to work their way through the rest of the female roster.


 


 


Cesaro & Sheamus squash two little fellas while still not getting on properly again.


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They’re not really going to learn anything or have the need to depend on each other by facing jobbers each week.  Give them something a bit tougher to chew on.


 


 


Promo package for the Women’s Title match coming up next.


 


 


Charlotte and Dana give Bayley some grief backstage.


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Charlotte ventures ahead and Dana sticks around to try and slip Bayley the tongue.


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Bayley ends up launching Dana into something, leaving her on the ground holding her leg in agony.


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#WomensChampionship


[c] Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks


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Sasha won the title after submitting Charlotte with The Bank Statement.


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A couple of decent spots but a LOT of sloppiness and shitty, diva/bitch slapping in-between all of that.


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It wasn’t the worst women’s match ever by any means, but it also wasn’t the best; despite what the rest of the internet is possibly saying.


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Yes, Charlotte HAS brought a stronger promo game this last couple of weeks and yes, she can do the odd crazy back-flip dismount and land on her feet, but a sporadic sprinkling of these two elements does NOT replace the nuts and bolts that is the rest of a match.


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Sasha was a huge contributor to making Charlotte look as good as she does.  She more than deserves a title run, I’m just not overly keen on her baby face persona.  She is much more convincing as an arrogant, smug, dick head.


 


 


Afterthoughts


 


Oh what a happy coincidence this is!


We have a Women’s Championship match booked as the main event tonight AND it’s the first Raw Live of Susan G. Komen month!  Oh, happy days.  We obviously adore our women so much that we wait until we’re basically prompted to shine a spotlight on them and pretend that they mean this much to us all of the time.  Fuck off.


Also, I’m obviously opposed to Cancer of any kind, but:


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Whether it’s freedom of speech, racial appreciation month, equal opportunities for women, anti-bullying, it’s always hard for me to buy into charity stuff that WWE and the like sell to me.


The match itself was fine.  Nothing bad, but not a match of the anything candidate either.


As mentioned above, I would just rather see them with more in between, rather than just a couple of deleterious spots that will only shorten a career even if hit perfect every time.


 


Good Shit:



  • Jeri-KO.  Constant gold.  Enjoy it while it lasts.

  • The List of Jericho.  Everyone is scared of being put on the list, even the guest stars.

  • Tony Nese.  My favourite of the Cruiserweight division by a country mile.

  • Lana.  She got a lot of attention from the crowd.  She looked fantastic AND she was cutting off Roman Reigns, so the fans were twice as happy. She’s upped her trolling efforts on a sexual level too.

  • Braun Strowman.  He’s bored of squash matches now.  He wasn’t appalling in his post-match interview and I enjoy his mid-match one liners/grunts.  Let’s see where they’re going with this.


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  • Charlotte.  That mind-bending Corkscrew Moonsault.

  • Cruiserweights.  Good stuff, keep it up.


 


Bad Shit:



  • Roman Reigns.  HAVING to look the strongest.  Same old shit.

  • Titus O’Neil.  Why do they keep trying to use him?  He’s just clumsy, slow, confused and verbally disabled.  I know he looks like a brick shit-house, but behave now.

  • Sheamus & Cesaro.  If they’ve already proven their worth, why put them against chumps?

  • Byron Saxton.  He didn’t do/say anything directly, but he was out-done by two actors that had never done his job before and it just highlighted how vanilla he actually is.


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  • Girl Power.  It made me a little sad to see how hard they were trying to get the women over as being as important this month as they are any other month.  Having to name drop Trish and Lita and plant the seed (When I say “plant the seed”, I don’t mean in a tactful manner.  I mean like digging a four foot hole in your living room and planting a tree before your very eyes!) for people to make the comparison “themselves” was a little desperate, in my opinion.


 


Until Next Time


What’s Roman thinking?


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All of that in the same shot isn’t very PG in my opinion, but at least we now know what Rusev got up to on his honeymoon!


 


Digest and discuss! You can follow me as I work away on Twitter (@BluntDamage) for additional nuggets of wisdom and also on Instagram (@DannyBluntDamage) to see me shoot photographs of my other hobbies and guilty pleasures. Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you next week!


Danny Damage

  • Wow, you are so quick this week – it’s almost like I am in a parallel Universe… err…

    Anyway – I am totally on your train with Brownie The Strowman blistering Saxton into obliteration. And while he’s on a roll – let him go to SmackDownLIVE and send Otunga and JBL with him.

    “They act like two sulking kids at a boarding school” – you’ve read the JTG’s book, right? 😛

    • I’m afraid not. I don’t get time to read a great deal compared to when I was younger 🙁 – What did I miss/accidentally stumble upon?

      I have a life/mortgage/full time job, so for the foreseeable future my postings will either seem mega early or super late. I work 4 days on, then 4 days off CONSTANTLY. Which means if I’ve got a solid block of shifts while Raw Live is on, it’ll be late and earlier if I’m not.

      I initially stressed about this a bit before, but from the feedback I’ve had, it seems people like something to read/do/watch between Tuesday/Wednesday and the following Monday, so it’s all good 🙂

      • Well, I haven’t read the book either (I have it here but am on a Pratchett wave right now), but heard that the backstage was described as an actual kindergarten/preliminary school when he was around. This story with Cena killing off his merch is just mind-boggling.

        Keep writing – I’m reading, but it will be fun to find something to rant about even in the good segments. 😛

  • Crab_Botherer

    Sasha banks biting her lip. OHMAI. I need a change of underroos.

  • Crab_Botherer

    Oh and Danny your recaps are great. Keep it up, pending work and family commitments 🙂

  • T7wog

    Whats wrong with the Charlotte ”WOOOO”

    • It shows she can’t get over on her own merit/personality She has ZERO originality or creativity and it’s something to do for a VERY cheap pop/instant reaction.

      Booooooo!

  • Dr. McMuffin

    Swear the 2nd still of Dana and Bayley looks like Dana is forcing a kiss on Bayley who is too shocked to move.

  • Tobaaarr

    I’ve been reading all of these, too once I’ve watched/read everything of interest (don’t take it as an offense). Fun. Keep going with it. It’s always fun to read your pathological biased hatred towards Charlotte/Enzo & Cass.

    Also “Pump-handle Michanuku Driver”. MICHINOKU. You pulled a Michael Cole there.

    Cheers.