Hello and thanks for showing up to rant, rave and reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw Live. Here is your host, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, it’s Danny Damage!
Kevin Owen’s music hits and Jeri-KO walk down to the ring.
Owens has his belt, Jericho has his list. The rabble of a crowd chant for Y2J. Owens wastes no time in shutting them up.
After pissing and moaning about Mick Foley again, Jericho jumps in and quietens the crowd down this time, he then echoes Owens regarding Foley’s stupidity about putting Owens in an ever so dangerous Hell in a Cell match.
They move onto the referee from Jericho’s match last week. The List of Jericho gets some action early on in the night.
Owens says he’ll retire Rollins at Hell in a Cell Live and it’ll be egg on Foley’s face.
Seth Rollins comes to put an end to their spouting and Jericho threatens him with a one-way ticket to The List.
Seth tries to drive a wedge between them, so Jericho challenges him. Rollins accepts and continues to stir the pot between the best buddies.
Rollins pulls a hidden gem from Roman Reigns’ joke book by making fun of Chris “Sparkle Crotch” Jericho and winds up on The List! Owens scolds Rollins for saying “ass” before the kiddies have gone to bed.
A brief discussion later and Owens leaves, allowing Jericho to prove that he can get the job done on his Todd.
Rollins looks on in amusement.
He reminds me of a little like baby Harper here, I start to think that Seth would make a great, dirty Wyatt Family member, maybe Sethter Abigail?
Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins
Bloody hell. Goldberg is already trending.
Rollins looks to be handling Jericho pretty well when Kevin Owens goes back on his word and returns to ringside.
Owens distracts Rollins a little and even pulls the rope back when Rollins tries to escape from The Walls of Jericho.
Seth overcomes, catches and reverses a Codebreaker and then drills Jericho with a Pedigree.
Flashback to Goldberg’s WCW debut match against Hugh Morrus/Bill DeMott. Awkward.
Lita and Charlotte interview.
WWE try and convince us all that they give the females this much time every month.
Cardboard Lita, repetitive Charlotte. Move it along.
Mark Henry & Golden Truth vs. The Shining Stars & Titus O’Neil
Henry flattens Titus with The World’s Strongest Slam. And not a moment too soon!
The ring work was fine and all, I just find that all the dialogue and backstage segments are getting rather tiresome.
The New Day parade around backstage with a quality sign that Rob Van Dam would be proud of them sneaking past Vince McMahon.
Jericho chases down Owens and they start bickering. Firstly, because Rollins stirred things between them earlier and secondly. because Owens came out to ringside when Jericho asked him not to. In the heat of the moment, Jericho loses his cool with Owens and nearly puts his foot in his mouth by almost calling him an stupid idiot.
Stephanie McMahon breaks it up and informs them they’re both going to be on the Raw Live team at Survivor Series, so they’d better stay on the same page.
Odd that it’s Steph being the peacemaker and saving our two favourite buddies from falling head first down Bromance Mountain. I reckon it’s got something to do with her and Jericho’s little twinkle not so long ago. As in, this was more a conversation she was having with Jericho, Owens was just there to innocuously receive the same advice. Stay the course and all that.
In response to Sheamus paying zero attention to his match last week, Cesaro spends his time on Fakebook Live this week……..hooray.
The New Day swagger out and toss in as many weed references as they can get away with. Amusing stuff, especially when Big E is full of sass.
-Big E (w/Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods) vs. Sheamus (w/Cesaro)
A stiff match between these two meat-heads. I was aching just watching it. I enjoyed it until the finish at least.
Sheamus is pissed off to see Cesaro having fun in the crowd, so he grabs Cesaro’s phone and tells his fans to feck off.
After Cesaro retrieves his phone, Sheamus instructs him to film what’s next, as the best Brogue Kick ever is on the way.
Before said Brogue Kick is attempted, Big E corner-splashes a distracted Sheamus and then rolls him up. Cesaro films the lot.
All that, just so they could eventually show us this.
Goldberg vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan title match flashback. WWE seem happy to show clips of shamed ex-employees. My eyes flare at the sight/sound of Hogan, as long as they only choose moments he’s looking like a twat to shove in my face, I’ll live.
Earlier: Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel during the pre-show.
Axel previously spoke to Mick Foley and arranged a match for him as a means of showing that he Bo-lieves in Bo.
Bo Dallas (w/Curtis Axel) vs. Neville
Bo swept Neville’s leg off the apron on his approach to hitting The Red Arrow before putting him away. Impressive display from Bo, sucks to be Neville, just chuck him with the Cruiserweights, back to NXT or, you know, just FIND SOMETHING FOR HIM!
Then Bo goes a bit mental.
He assaults Axel when he celebrates with him after the match.
It were proper Bo, I tell thee!
Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
Dana pins Bayley squeaky-clean and super-fast.
However, it was possibly a botched ending. Either Dana was meant to use the ropes, or Bayley was meant to kick-out/she was legitimately out cold. Fuck knows, it looked dodgier than a cat shagging a dog.
Michael Cole introduces Paul Heyman. Heyman appears on the Titantron, live from WWE Studios.
Heyman claims the challenge to Goldberg last week was rhetorical and he was playing into the fantasy of the new WWE 2K17 video game. He goes on to say that Brock Lesnar doesn’t even consider Goldberg to be a viable opponent in this day and age.
Heyman says Goldberg’s over the hill and fighting Lesnar on the new video game is the only way he should proceed in the matter. Brock hasn’t forgotten his lost to Goldberg at Wrestlemania XX and would beat the living shit out of him if they ever met again.
Great promo as always from Heyman.
Braun Strowman vs. The Mile High Trio (and sadly not Byron too – #StrowmanVsSaxton)
They are destroyed with ease in a chuckle-worthy manner. Strowman forces this poor sod to suicide-dive his mates on the outside.
Then follows them out and pummels them some more.
The climax sees Strowman hit one dude with a Powerslam, followed by Reverse Chokeslamming another on top. Strowman obviously pins them both.
Saxton avoids talking to Strowman after the match, so Strowman grabs a microphone and sounds off once again. He barks that he’s going to the back to take matters into his own hands.
Until, a new challenger appears!
Sami Zayn squares up to the monster.
Strowman shoves Zayn outside the ring and then marches away in disappointment.
The crowd wanted Goldberg; I didn’t. Thankfully, my fears of WWE building Strowman simply to feed to a returning Goldberg didn’t become a reality.
Zayn tells Miss NOT-TOM-FUCKING-PHILIPS that he stood up to Strowman because nobody else would.
Lana does her part time Russian thing and introduces her hulking husband.
They slag off American family values and then the Samoan people get a lashing too. Funny stuff. Rusev shows us some photos of his family, people who are real winners with real family values.
He gets upset when the audience jeer mama and papa Rusev. Great banter.
Rude-man Reigns interrupts the class and starts acting like a dick.
Reigns inevitably starts poking fun at Rusev and his family.
Lana holds Rusev off and then she gets up in Reigns’ face.
Lana winds up for an hour and then slaps Reigns in the chops. Rusev jumps in immediately and lands a Roundhouse Kick.
Reigns gets knocked around outside for a while and then Rusev hurls him into the steps.
With Reigns laid out, Rusev gets to toy around some more.
I don’t know what the steps were meant to offer at this point, it looks like there’s a lot less torque on the hold while using them.
Rusev FINALLY stands tall, Reigns FINALLY stops looking strong for a moment or two and the crowd FINALLY get behind Reigns, all in one swoop! Good times.
Goldberg vs. The Rock feud highlights. Brilliance.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EMMALINA SHIT?
Jesus, tap-dancing Christ. I’m hoping we’re getting screwed with here and she’s just going to return as her B-Movie, slutty Space Cop thing she had going previously so she can give us the old “Hahaha, fuck you! I’m not returning to jiggle my meat for you, so deal with it!”, but I’m more than likely over thinking things again.
We’re shown what happened to Enzo and Cass last week when they started waffling, shite. I sense an Impending delusional breakdown on the way when Enzo and Cass run through their entire repertoire this week without being flattened midway.
Big Cass (w/Enzo Amore) vs. Karl Anderson (w/Luke Gallows)
Gallows and Anderson are in the ring, minding their own business, discussing world hunger and such.
Enzo and Big Cass waddle down to gloat about Big Cass’ height yet again. Cass lays waste to short people, especially them dericate rittle Asian types. Karl Anderson takes exception to this and challenges the monstrous Cass to a fighting contest to defend the honour of his Asian wife of a generous temperature and the entirety of Asialand. What a guy.
A gruelling, decisive battle ensues. Anderson does all that he can to battle against seven feet of that which cannot be taught. Eventually though, Big Cass catches Anderson and hits The East River Crossing.
A valiant effort by Anderson, but Big Cass is just too tall for him and size wins the battle this eve.
However, Enzo jumps back in the ring and dresses Big Cass. He goes on to say that even though Anderson lost, his point was well made and his bravery was acknowledged, causing Enzo and Cass to retract their previous discriminatory remarks.
Absolutely nothing else happened.
This is exactly how it all went down.
Brian Kendrick is scheming with Tony Nese and Drew Gulak in the locker room. TJ Perkins pokes his head in the door and realises things may turn ugly.
Luckily for him, Rich Swann and Cedric Alexander show up and everyone decides to save it for their six man tag match later.
Sasha and Lita. Urgh. This one felt more forced than the first. Sasha showered herself in self praise again and rabbited on like the twenty year veteran than she is. I wouldn’t be so bothered if she were playing the heel, but I’m meant to sympathise and cheer for this smug wanker and I’m just not feeling it.
Goldberg vs. Triple H. highlights. They showed the only PPV match of the feud where Goldberg actually came out on top, not the ones from the rest of the year where Triple H ended up on top.
Brian Kendrick, Drew Gulak and Tony Nese vs. Cedric Alexander, Rich Swann & TJ Perkins
Nese hit a 450 Splash and Kendrick tagged himself in and forced Swann to tap to The Captain’s Hook.
An awfully quick match considering the majority of the division was featured here.
I reckon that child behind Kendrick is about to scream for an adult.
Steph and Mick blow smoke up each other’s arse and then Foley makes next week’s main event; a triple threat between Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho.
They bond a little and Steph tries to show her soft, gooey core.
We’re shown the Goldberg and Jonathan Coachman interview yet again via a snivelling weasel.
Michael Cole welcomes Goldberg down to the ring.
The crowd were fucking loving it. Big Bill was a tad overwhelmed.
Cole hands the stick to Goldberg and pisses off to ram another pastry into his podgy face.
Goldberg says he enjoys doing it for the kids and then teases us with the notion he’s having seconds thoughts.
He quickly comes to the conclusion that he’s not done and he’s sure that he has one more devastating slaughter-fest left in him.
He ends his promo by telling Brock Lesnar that not only is he next, but he’s also last!
Goldberg then decides to steals a child from the crowd.
And another, but no one’s brave enough to try and stop him.
All the mother can do is cry while taking a selfie for Fakebook to show her friends.
Goldberg thanks the crowd on his way out, awaiting Brock’s response next week.
Just Announced For Next Week:
Another great show.
Jericho, Owens and Rollins opening the show was fun.
The first six-man of the night was fine, but none of the angles that were involved offer me anything that I want to invest in.
The second was a very brief taster of the Cruiserweights while developing the Kendrick vs. Perkins feud.
It was nice to see Goldberg return; I was very surprised he got that big of a reaction.
- Chris Jericho. Sparkle-crotch is still on fire, regardless of the childish name-calling. He’s a fantastic pantomime style villain and he does a grand job leading the crowd into giving him shit and then kicking off before they realise what they’re doing. Mostly, people are cheering for him, mostly. This suggests to me that either a face turn is on the horizon, or he’s going to drop the majority of his gags so that we can’t sing along with him and we can despise him once again.
- Corey Graves. On one of the victims from “The Abominable Strowman” match/butchering: “He looks like he could be No Way Jose’s less threatening cousin, Perhaps not, Jorge”. All this and more in yet another entertaining commentary table episode that was carried by Graves again this week.
- Rusev. Enough said.
- Braun Strowman. He looked great in his match. I’m concerned for Zayn though, hopefully he’s not getting eviscerated in a handful of minutes at the Hell in a Cell Live Kick-off show.
- Goldberg. Good for business.
- Roman Reigns. His current placement on the totem pole seems to be working well.
- Tom Philips. Where the fuck was he? Leg reduction surgery?
- Cruiserweights. Nothing wrong with the match itself, just a little sad they’ve already resorted to having the Cruiserweights take up only one slot on the show. I’d be happy with some of the guys mixing with non-Cruisers.
- Gallows and Anderson. I wasn’t a fan of Anderson getting shat all over like that. It’s one thing having Cass go over, but it was bad enough for me for entertain my earlier work of fiction and manufacture an alternative replay to the actual match. Anderson losing quickly in a singles match against Cass may do wonders for Cass, but it seems to cripple the attempt they’ve just made during the last few weeks trying to revitalise Gallows and Anderson’s image as legitimate tough-guys.
- Facebook Live. There aren’t many things that people do that annoys me more than people fixated on their phones while they’re supposed to be engaged in something else. Whether you’re sat on your couch or stood in the front row, PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE DOWN, YOU’RE ACTUALLY WATCHING THE THING AND IT’S TEN FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU! Anyway, with this being said, I’m not a fan of WWE giving people an excuse to stop watching the show and start looking at something else, their viewer figures haven’t been that amazing from what I’ve heard.
- People (some). Case and point. Some fuck-nugget is stood beside Cesaro and Sheamus’ antics and he’s too busy attempting to focus on this phone’s screen instead of checking out the REALITY IN FRONT OF HIS FUCKING FACE. I understand the possibility of no one else being around to film something, so maybe it’s best if you take out your phone and make sure the event is recorded, BUT THEY’RE MAKING A POINT OF SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY CAPTURING A TINY, WINDOWED VERSION OF WHAT YOU’VE PAID TO WATCH WITH YOUR OWN TWO FUCKING EYES! This means you can watch their copy at another time on-line, as many times as you want, without you having the miss the real deal! Sit down, knob-head.
Until Next Time
I know folk are sceptical about Bill Goldberg’s return; that he has nothing to contribute in the current pro-wrestling climate. I’m however of a different opinion.
When I was a kid, as well as watching everything I could get my hands on, I spent hours staring at my Survivor Series Live video cases.
(don’t ask, I grew up in a hamlet and there was very little to do!)
Every year, they’d clear everyone and their nan out of the back to get them involved in the show and there was always photographic evidence to prove this on the VHS boxes.
I’m glad they’re partially bringing this back and not just having one elimination match on the pre-show. It gives chance for the younger/greener talent to get some exposure and rub shoulders with guys they maybe haven’t had the chance to yet and possibly pick some new things up.
Having all that talent out there at varying points of the evening, WITH the audience for Brock vs. Goldberg 2 is beneficial to all and it’s making Survivor Series Live shine in different ways to the other three, older/grander pay-per-views.
I approve of this as Survivor Series Live has just become another monthly show in recent years. I’m hoping Goldberg retires on his feet, with his hand raised, but I think that may just be the fantasist in me creeping out again.
Digest and discuss! You can follow me as I work away on Twitter (@BluntDamage) for additional nuggets of wisdom and also on Instagram (@DannyBluntDamage) to see me shoot photographs of my other hobbies and guilty pleasures. Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you next week!