Hello and thanks for showing up to rant, rave and reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw.
During the week.
I’ve been too busy to with a hundred hours of wrestling, work and family to write anything interesting/amusing for my opening section.
We get a recap of the battle between Samoa Joe and Roman Reigns being ended due to Braun Strowman paggering the absolute shit out of BOTH potential number one contenders.
GM Kurt Angle kicks the show off to address his relief at his baggage being dealt with and to announce the Universal Title match at Summerslam.
Before he lets any details slip, Braun Strowman marches down and demands that he faces Brock.
Samoa Joe then shows up and gives ZERO fucks about getting in the face of Strowman.
Boooooooooooooo, Roman Reigns, booooooooooooo. Woof woof, etc.
Kurt makes it a Fatal Four-way.Roman gets fed up of Strowman and starts swinging. Things escalate rapidly and not even security guards and half the locker room have the ability to split the three guys up.
Eventually, Stroman flattens Roman and wanders off chuckling. Samoa Joe had been restrained on the outside by a few members of the roster.
This would have left a better impression if they hadn’t recycled this several times now. Typical WWE, something works well once and they spam it to death.
Elias Samson serenades us once again, amusing me thoroughly at the expense of the local crowd.
Elias Samson vs. Finn Balor
Balor tries to throw his jacket in the face of Samson and manages to aim way too high; the feckin’ eejit.
Decent, yet unoriginal match. Finn hits the Coup de Grace and the lights go out.Bray Wyatt spawns and instantly hits Finn with Sister Abigail, allowing Samson to crawl over and a get the win.
This actually looked pretty good for a change. The lights came back on and Bray and Finn were already in position and it flowed smoothly.
Next is a recap of Kurt Angle revealing Jason Jordan as his secret love child last week. Following that, Renee Young asks Kurt for a few comments.
Emma steps into the shot and demands some attention for a change, going so far as threatening to start dating Jordan since that seems to be the only way people get opportunities around here.
Kurt doesn’t take kindly to her type around here and books Emma in a match later tonight versus Nia Jax, causing Emma to shit a brick.
Enzo Amore’s on the screen now and it’s time for me to stand outside and have a smoke. I’m not pausing the show and I’m very aware that there’s a chance I miss some of the next segment, but it’s a risk I’m happily willing to take.
One assumes Big Test and Big Show got involved and this and that nothing was resolved.
Nia Jax vs. Emma
What was the fucking point in that?
Emma got ruined in about thirty seconds.
Is this supposed to be punishment for WWE giving her a gash gimmick not so long ago and said gimmick falling flat on its face through no fault of Emma?
Charles the Dwarf interviews Akira Tozawa. They decide to watch video on Tozawa’s recent issues with Ariya Daivari.
Well, Charles led the conversation while Tozawa smiled and nodded.
Titus O’Neil joins the party and says that he’s still concerned for Tozawa’s well-being and has spoken to the appropriate officials and had Tozawa’s rematch against Daivari cancelled.
Tozawa storms off after announcing that he wants his match now.
After the break, Tozawa calls out Daivari and instead gets the Cruiserweight Champion.
Neville takes credit for the shower of shit that has rained over Tozawa for the last few weeks, saying that it was all a plot to weaken his number one contender.
Tozawa attacks Neville but Daivari jumps them both and is stood tall at the end.
Bayley and Sasha bicker backstage before they face each other later on tonight, acting like a pair of total divas.
Renee chats with Jason Jordan.
This shit is so plastic I’m convinced it’s all just an elaborate scheme and we’re going to be shown these clips to prove how convincing Jordan is at playing his part and deceiving everyone.
Seth Rollins approaches Dean Ambrose in the locker room and suggests thinking up a game plan. Dean’s still playing hard to get and continues to cautiously keep Seth at arm’s reach.
Bayley vs. Sasha Banks
A well-contested match between the lasses.
Bayley caught Sasha off guard and rolled her up to become the new number-one contender.
Since she was on commentary for the match anyway, Alexa Bliss climbs in the ring to wave her title around and laugh at Bayley post-match.
It’s Kurt Hawkin’s turn to have a chin-wag with Renee Young now. He offers a short but sweet promo saying how he’s going to cause a bigger shock than the Angle/Jordan bombshell by beating Jordan later on.
Even after this, Hawkins STILL managed to be dealt the jobber’s entrance and Jordan destroys him in a couple of minutes.
The Revival vs. Gallows & Anderson
WWE booked two heel teams to face each other, The Revival are the newer team getting a push, so The Good Brothers ended up playing the faces this week and eating a Shatter Machine.
The Hardy Boyz attempt to get a little retribution on The Revival, but they only get a short measure as Dash and Wilder manage to scurry away.
The Mizterons gather backstage and make a brilliant comparison between Hollywood being lame and repetitive and Seth Rollins being desperate enough to reboot a once great franchise in The Shield, that he’s resorted to begging Dean Ambrose.
They head off to put an end to it once and for all.
Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz, Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel (w/Maryse)
Seth is isolated for the majority of the match, forcing Dean to cheer on his former friend/brother.
They manage to work together in the end and pull off a great ending sequence as Seth’s spiring-board knee set Dean up for Dirty Deeds.
The two celebrate in the ring and Dean seems to be lowering his guard gradually. Seth goes for a fist bump, but Dean leaves him hanging and heads to the back.Seth’s obviously going to have to work hard, gain the support of the WWE Universe and earn that fist-bump…….which will be the point that Dean turns on him and upsets everyone yearning for a Shield reunion.
Seriously, why is he still paid to waffle intangible shit? Booker was corrected by Michael Cole of all people early in the night and he also tried to derail Corey during the main event regarding Rollins and Ambrose being able to fall back into old habits.
His inability to focus on where he is is almost as bad as JBL’s. I’ve mentioned before that Bradshaw’s whole commentating technique is identical to that of some random drunk bell-end in a bar that’s shouting shit at the show you wanted to watch and that he appears to know fuck all about.
Booker T is only a couple of doors away from being this bad at his job. The incident during the main event just slammed the brakes on the audible part of the show and left everyone facepalming and scratching their head at the same time.
I’m not getting at him personally, honestly. If anything, it’s more than likely just a result from all the head-shots while he was still working and WWE thinking that if they give him a job, then it makes everything all right.
Digest and discuss! Feel free to do so below or via Twitter.