Hi, Vinnie here. Got a little opinion piece for you today.


What’s in a name?


Personally, I can’t stand the Final Fantasy series of games. They’re just not my bag. But I’ve always been struck by the amusing irony of the name. Intended to be the swansong of its creator, the series was a huge success. So now, we have hundreds of “final” fantasies, in amusing little irony.


For the past couple of years, the WWE Fastlane event has bemused me in a somewhat similar fashion.


If we were on the fastlane to Wrestlemania, then why would we need to see another PPV first? Wrestlemania would be in the Fastlane spot, and Fastlane wouldn’t exist. Really, it should be named… WWE Toilet Stop or WWE Hey This Is The Place That Does Those Awesome Donuts I Was Telling You About.


But, as of yesterday, this event is no longer the most confusing, the most inexplicable, the least comprehensible event in the WWE calendar. Please join me in welcoming the new title-holder.


WWE Tribute To The Troops


 


All Red Everything! Did you know: Eva Marie was named in reference to Harry S Truman’s Domino Theory? It’s true!

The show is the brain-child of former WWE commentator John Bradshaw Layfield, better known as JBL. This isn’t the only bright idea he had in the WWE, of course.


The fact that Takedown is not plural like Punches and Knockdowns, still makes me angry all of these years later. Can barely sleep, in fact.

Since 2003, the WWE has presented a special annual wrestling show, before a number of lucky members of the U.S. armed forces. Those brave men and women are out there doing their bit to help keep America safe. Thanks to the tireless efforts of those stationed abroad in places like Syria, Afghanistan and Iraq, the modern American citizen knows that they are safe.


Not so safe that they could just go stroll around in those places I mentioned, obviously, that would just be crazy. But back in America, they’re as safe as safe can be!  So long as they aren’t African American, anyway. Or just attending school. But otherwise, totally safe to enjoy the American way of life.


But what is the American way of life?


Well, America is typically described as a Christian country. One nation, under God. For this reason, many of its citizens happily celebrate events each year such as Easter and Christmas. Even those non-Christians often get in on the fun, exchanging gifts around late December. Some because they just want presents, others just are thankful for any reason to celebrate a day at home with their loved ones.


However. This year, it has been announced, WWE Raw will broadcast on Christmas evening, live, for the first time ever.


So, there will be no opportunity for young Maxel Hardy to gather around the tree with his new baby brother TDK Hardy, as their proud parents watch them spend their first Christmas together as brothers. No time to reminisce, to remember the time an infant Jeff Hardy performed his first swanton from off the top of the Christmas tree onto an unsuspecting Matt Hardy below.


 


And there’ll be no fire truck for little Kane. No smoked sausage for little John Cena. No sweater for little Dean.

Instead, their Christmas will be a working holiday, a military holiday.


Getting back to Tribute To The Troops – keeping the troops entertained is therefore, quite a noble thing to do. Consider Bob Hope and all of his tireless efforts to keep spirits up during times of conflict.


But is it really worth it, is there any point to Tribute To The Troops, if those performers, producers and other personnel of the WWE, don’t get to enjoy the fruits of their labors?


I expect that the troops they have performed for, will this December be enjoying the way of life for which they fight so bravely. They will spend Christmas the traditional way, as best as they can, out there so far from home. For them, it will be a modest Christmas, without all of the comforts of home – but, a Christmas, all the same


Opening their presents and counting their blessings. Like, “I’m sure glad right now that I’m a soldier and not working for the WWE!”


I’m Kent Brockman, goodnight.

  • cherryworm

    taboo tuesday has always confused me as a ppv title……i didn’t see one bottle of vodka/white wine/fruit drink all nite!

    booo to xmas working too

  • Exy

    Why is it called the WWE Survivor Series when there are so few survivors?