October 15th, 1990
Taped September 24th, 1990
Reseda Country Club
Commentators: Herb Abrams & Bruno Sammartino
Bruno tells us to sit back and relax which is the same advice dogs get before getting put down.
The cast of characters is listed and Herb has the nerve to refer to Chief Jay Strongbow Jr. as Chief Jay Strongbow, who was working full-time in WWF as an agent at this point.
Dan Spivey vs. Michael Allen
The Dangerous One no-sells a cross-body and pounds away on job-boy. He refuses to end the match and keeps picking him up at 2. Crowd are supposed to be booing him but all you can hear is ”SPIVEY SPIVEY” because he’s a cool crazy-looking guy. I mean look at the fucker:
Spivey drops him with a Powerbomb (called a ”backbreaker” by Bruno) but before he can carry on, Blair runs in to chairshot Spivey in the back of the head because concussions are for
Jim Brunzell pussies.
Winner: No Contest (Crowd loved Blair attacking Spivey so much they had to cut away from the boos Blair was receiving as he walked backstage)
Chief Jay Strongbow Jr. vs. Houdini
Even Bruno is referring to this guy as if he’s the actual Chief Jay. And Bruno wrestled the original in WWWF! He wrestled for AWA for years as Chief Jay Strongbow Jr. so fuck knows who Herb’s trying to fool. ”There were twelve other Indians on the reservation but he had the biggest tee-pee of them all!” laughs Herb, by himself. Houdini no-sells this Stars In Your Eyes contestant and beats up Strongbow for a bit. Strongbow Dark Fruits crotches the jobber and slams him on the concrete before doing the WAR DANCE to hype up a…chop. Herb makes rain dance jokes until Jay locks in a Sleeper Hold to end it.
Winner: Strongbow Dark Fruits (So Herb brought in a Jay’s son to play Jay only to have him get beat up by the jobber for most of the match and have Herb make Injun jokes on commentary. I love UWF.)
David Sammartino vs. Col. DeBeers
Another ”he’s looking lean!” comment from Bruno, still proud of his son’s non-roids. DeBeers talks shit to the crowd before noticing the ref is BLACK. ”I don’t know if you can understand English, but I want you out of my sight!” We get a shot of Commissioner Ross who is apparently in charge of UWF.
No idea who he is but he shows off his vast power by doing nothing so Larry The Black Ref stays and fast-counts a David schoolboy. DeBeers kicks out and does a runner. David catches him coming in and gives him a backslide for another two-count. I’m surprised those quick-counts haven’t been the finish, Larry’s a pretty forgiving guy to not mega quick-count DeBeers. Sadly it means we get David vs. DeBeers for a length of time so I assume Larry is turning heel. Slow-motion match with multiple pin-falls until Larry gets knocked down. DeBeers throws David outside and starts beating up the ref! David runs back in and DeBeers pegs it backstage.
Winner: No-one (DeBeers’ offensive promos are the only interesting thing about this show so I’ll excuse the match being a waste of good tape.)
The Black Knight vs. Davey Meltzer
TBK somehow gets a real entrance (complete with Night Train by Guns ‘n’ Roses) because there wasn’t enough real wrestlers to fill the show. Herb talks about how Knight wears a mask to hide a disfigurement which is why he keeps adjusting it. That’s a decent save for a crap wrestler. Knight starts suplexing Davey around but one guy chants BORING so loud he’s forced to stop wrestling to tell him to ”shut up!” This goes on for a while but I’ll spare you the tedium of reading ”Knight does a clothesline then chinlock” a few times. After ten minutes, Davey makes a comeback (!!) but is so slow in following up an Irish Whip it doesn’t last long, unlike this match which refuses to end. Davey makes a second comeback with a chubby elbow but gets thrown off the top rope. Sidewalk slam finishes it.
Winner: The Black Knight (Managed to be duller and longer than the previous match with two comebacks from a comedy chubby jobber.)
B. Brian Blair vs. Riki Ataki
Crowd haven’t been overwhelmingly supportive of the supposed good guy Blair because he’s a bland smiley guy mostly known for being part of a tag team. Ataki tricks Blair into leap-frogging over nothing to start so he gets sent over the top rope. Bruno: ”The name Riki doesn’t sound very Japanese does it?” Ataki connects with a Reverse Atomic Drop but Blair sucks it up and comes back with a clothesline and a powerslam (called a ”flying body press” by Herb) and wins with The Scorpion (Deathlock without the trademarked name.)
Winner: B. Brian Blair (The fake noise being pumped into the broadcast was almost loud enough to cover the fact people were chanting for Riki and booing Blair.)
Capt. Lou’s Corner with Bob Orton Jr.
Orton wisely lets Albano ramble for a while until he burns himself out so Orton can speak uninterrupted. Lou gets the ”if you put my brain into a parakeet, it’d fly backwards” line that Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf used in the fight with Beetlejuice. Orton’s a fine talker but there’s nothing for him to talk about, it’s all ”the UWF is great and I love wrestling and the UWF is great.”
Billy Jack Haynes vs. Larry Ludden
Haynes enters to My Michelle so the sound guy must have only brought Appetite for Destruction with him. Knowing Billy Jack’s rep, Mr. Brownstone would have been more appropriate. After some plodding action Billy Jack gets a chinlock, follows it with an elbow and….wins.
Winner: Billy Jack Haynes (This show finds new ways to impress me. I don’t recall the last time I saw a jobber so bad he couldn’t kick out before three properly. Crowd doesn’t even boo the decision because it’s the last squash of a THREE SHOW TAPING and they’re just happy it’s nearly over.)
Paul Orndorff vs. Steve Williams
OK this could actually be good, Williams was WHOMPING ASS in AJPW and NJPW in 1990 and Orndorff still looked half-horse. We get the video package with two shows of hype and Dr. Death rips Orndroff’s shirt and throws the remains in his face and follows with big strikes. Death misses a charge into the corner and Paul gets a quick roll-up for two and counters an Irish Whip to a Sunset Flip for another two. Williams lands a Pony Express football tackle so he can focus on Paul’s leg. Paul regains the advantage but remembers to hobble. He misses a knee drop and can’t recover in time so Williams uses this time to get an Abominable Stretch. Paul gets out and lands the ten punches in the corner but Steve low-blows him right in front of the ref. No DQ though, huh. Williams locks in a bearhug, forgetting Paul’s leg. Orndorff escapes via Mongolian Chop and kicks Williams in the dick out of revenge. Paul brawls with Williams outside and uses a cable to choke Williams and JESUS CHRIST THE THIRD FUCKING MAIN EVENT DOUBLE COUNT OUT. Williams hears the boos though and launches a chair at the ring post which goes CLANG and scares the cameraman.
Winner: No-one again (This started off as the best thing on the UWF so far but then Williams couldn’t be bothered to focus on a single body-part and started killing time rather than Orndorff.)
Overall: Worst episode so far, easily. Billy Jack winning with a chinlock-elbow combo summed it up. I’m sure things will pick up with the new set of tapings next week, maybe we’ll get a Triple Count Out.