Bad Matches, Good Memories #4

Like This Video 37 343 maffew
Added by November 2, 2011


The Battle Royal at the Albert Hall
By Evil Bazz

Prologue…

The British Bulldog, Arguably one of England’s best exports when it comes to pro wrestling, He’s also less arguably more fact the worst, but did you know he was the winner of quite possibly the greatest prise WWF have ever given out.

In 1991 I was 9; I’d just got into what was being called American wrestling. World Of Sport (WOS) has sort of slipped off TV Big Daddy, Giant Heystacks and Kendo although were still big names weren’t really the attraction they had once been, and British wrestling was at the start of its decline into nothingness. So being 9 and being obsessed with wrestling I did what every other 9 year old who like wrestling form the UK did at this time, I moaned and moaned at my parents until they got satellite TV! Unfortunately for me my parents were mean!! And so my moaning moved on to my grandparents! My granddad loved wrestling, he would cut out pictures and stick them to the wall in his garage and then tell me story’s (he’s probably made up) about these giants men. ANYWAY! I digress! My grandparents got sky in the summer of 1991, the first match of WWF programming I ever saw was a Greg the Hammer Valentine vs a jobber match. This it seems would be a staple diet for my early WWF days!

October 13th 1991 the WWF came to the Royal Albert Hall in London, we lived to far away to go but we had sky movies +, so we could watch it live!! So I and my granddad sat down to watch our first WWF PPV/ Live event that wasn’t superstars!! This event blew my tiny little 9 year old mind! Earthquake would be fighting the big boss man! Tito Santana would be kicking the crap out of some really old guy called Ric Flair? And his pretend belt! And then there would be a 20 man battle royal to win a big shiny trophy! HOLY SHIT! Look at that thing! It’s amazingly shit! It looked (even back then) crap. But Mean Gene, Gorilla and Bobby Heenan were doing their best to make this sound like the most important bit of crap you could ever win in the WWF!

The undercard to this event is poor to say the least, the Highlights for me are Flair vs Santana in a great little match, LOD VS Power and Glory (I was a massive power and glory fan when I was a kid! Herc wore chains to the ring and Roma look cool….hey fuck you he did!) whatever the Barbarian had on whilst walking to the ring and the pretend phantom of the opera pretending to play the organ for the undertaker. The WWF also treated us to a ring announcer I’ve never heard of or seen since this event, he kind of reminds me of the bad guy from the James Bond film live and let die, when the guy at the end of the film blows up, just before he pops his eyes start to bug out of his head….that what this guy looks like!

The match… (THE BATTLE ROYAL THE ONE WHERE YOU WIN A TEAPOT IF YOU WIN)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ly19jr4H04

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8phVI1mVjNA

This 20 years ago was amazing, I loved Battle Royals then, and still do now, I love the first few moments of a battle royal, if you look around you can see people not having a clue what to do, you see good guys vs good guys, bad guys vs bad guys and guys not having a single fucking clue whats going on, The British Bulldog, Earthquake, Typhoon and Piper were in this that’s 4 amazing guys right there! (listen I’m British, my idea of a great wrestler was Giant Heystacks or Big Daddy, so I fucking loved Earthquake and Typhoon) the full list of participants went like this…

The Barbarian, Big Boss Man, Jim Duggan, Earthquake, Ric Flair, Hercules, Marty Jannetty, Brian Knobbs, The Legion of Doom, Shawn Michaels, The Mountie, Roddy Piper, Paul Roma, Jerry Sags, Tito Santana, Typhoon, The Undertaker, and Kerry Von Erich.

Flair and Piper go at it straight away, running round the outside of the ring, Mountie and the Bossman follow suit, it’s a usual battle royal, until the end.

It seems like they wasted so much time on the undercard that they had to get this Battle Royal out of the way as quick as they could! Duggan eliminates Quake with his 2×4, after being dumped out buy quake, and the elimination still stands! Piper eliminates the undertaker, then taker gets back on the apron and pulls piper out and that stands, rules….nah fuck em!

The final four for this epic battle are The Mountie (still without his song!) The Big Boss Man, Typhoon and the British Bulldog. No Piper, Flair, Santana, Von Eric or even Paul Roma! (what were you thinking Vince??) So Boss Man gets eliminated by the Mountie. Were left with the song less Mountie, Typhoon and the Bulldog, Mountie quickly goes (probably to work on his song) so were treated to 4 minutes of Typhoon beating the Bulldog up! Yeah!! Its at this point after nearly 2 hours my Granddad recognises the Bulldog and switches from wanting “the fat bloke with a beard in red!” to win to “bloody ell that’s Young Davey, we’ll have him to win this I think!”

Bulldog manages to get Phoon over the top rope and the place explodes, but then one of the greatest and one of the worst things in WWF history happen at the same time, Earthquake comes back down to the ring and slams Bulldog to the mat showing off his heelish powers in all their glory! (not Herc and Roma) he stomps around the Bulldogs fallen body starts the run up for his earthquake splash but bulldog rolls out of the ring, unlucky for him Typhoon is there and grabs him and now quake and typhoon squash the dreadlocked bulldog and crush his tiny body! Awesome stuff! Then quite possibly the saddest sight in WWF history occurs, Andre the Giant hobbles out on crutches knocks the Natural Disasters heads together and chases them off with his crutches!! These two massive monsters get scared of Andre and run away with Jimmy Hart! Bulldog celebrates in the ring with Andre on the outside and everyone is happy…..but where the fuck is the trophy? It may be my copy of the DVD but the 9 year old me also remember this, after nearly 2 and ½ hours of this event and everyone and I mean EVERYONE crowing on and on about this fucking trophy, not only do we not see bulldog lift it, but we never hear about it EVER again, not once! Not even a passing fucking comment, at one point Gorllia Monsoon says “ the (I have no idea how you spell this trophy’s name and the internet isn’t helping either!) Samaphar, samabar, salabim, sim sim salla bim, the tea pot trophy, is enshired with jewels and diamonds” the very next shot is of a stainless steel trophy with no jewels at all! I remember thinking to myself, this is it! this is where the Bulldog becomes the WWF champion, Hulk Hogan wasn’t at this event and the WWF had to have seen the reaction the bulldog got, plus he won the tea pot! What more could you ask for give him a title shot!

The Aftermath

FUCK ALL HAPPENED FOR THE BULLDOG! The next big event was the survivor series of 91, were he teamed with Bret, piper and Virgil to fight Flair, the Warlord, The Mountie and Ted Dibiase,AND GOT ELIMINTATED FIRST!! He’s just won a fucking tea-pot!

We never saw the trophy again, we never even heard its name mentioned ever again, we never saw the ring announcer again, and I don’t think we saw Andre again, but we definitely definitely heard the Mountie’s theme song! Watching this event is hard now a days, but the main event is worth all the hard work you have to put in to get there! Fast forward helps too!

Until I can be arsed again, Thanks for reading
Evil Bazz.

Similar Videos

Bad Matches, Good Memories #3

24 471 0

Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe by Martin McHendry Prologue… Samoa Joe. Hottest thing in TNA. Made to look like a total monster, one third of the only 5-star rated match in TNA’s history. It’s hard to believe now, but this

Bad Matches, Good Memories #5

47 383 0

Goldberg vs. La Parka By Goin’ Postal Tally We would have loved La Parka if we’d only been given a chance. He’s still active today, wrestling in Mexico’s AAA. But aside from a cup of coffee with TNA in 2004,

Bad Matches, Good Memories #2

32 353 0

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter Wrestlemania VII Prologue… Because of the sheer glut of wrestling available to watch, it’s not always possible to find out out the entire context of a feud. It’s hard enough to do it today when

  • TheKFV

    The spelling is SAMOVAR. Pronounced SAM-oh-var. It’s an Eastern European teapot. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samovar?vm=r

    • Tony

      He can barely spell in English, you’re hoping he’ll spell Russian words properly?

      • https://twitter.com/#!/EvilBazz EvilBazz

        nope, can’t spell in English or Russian

        • TheKFV

          Regardless if you can spell or not, you done good, EvilBazz. Hope Maffew uses you again soon!

          And, yes, the poor grammar is intentional…

  • http://macdaraconroy.com/ MacDara

    The ring announcer was Mel Phillips, who shared announcing duties with Mike McGuirk on Wrestling Challenge if I recall correctly. He disappeared from the WWF soon after this event after becoming embroiled in a sex scandal (the case never went to court, there was a settlement before any lawsuit was filed).

    • Christopher Lillicrap Jr

      Was Mel Phillips also the ring announcer during UK Rampage ’91 in London? x x

  • https://twitter.com/#!/EvilBazz EvilBazz

    SAMOVAR. everyone say it with me SAM O VAR!

    • Suriel1981

      I watched this on VHS in late ’92 having won an argument with my buddy over what video we were going to rent (he wanted to watch ‘Beethoven’).

      I remember this event being totally underwhelming and thinking maybe ‘Beethoven’ would have been more entertaining. The only clear memory I have is of Bulldog winning the Battle Royal, which I thought was a huge deal as I had recently seen the guy win the I/C title at Summerslam. In my 11-yr-old opinion, Bulldog was the next WWF champ for sure. (I had no idea he’d been fired for HGH shenanigans – no internet in them days!)

      In retrospect I can see this for what it really was: Vince invading another territory using one of its favourite sons as the main draw to familiarise the fans with his product. This was even more essential in the UK as Hulk Hogan doesn’t do international tours, brutha!

      • Suriel1981

        Oops, that comment came out as a reply.

    • Joe

      Samba Simba?

  • BiffBashSmash

    Gorilla Monsoon made a passing reference to the “coveted” Samovar trophy during Davey Boy’s entrance to the ’92 Rumble

    • Thabass

      British Bulldog also mentioned this during the ’92 Rumble in pre-match segment (where all the midcarders and Hogan would talk about the Rumble).

  • http://theblogthattimeforgot.blogspot.com Taranaich

    “listen I’m British, my idea of a great wrestler was Giant Heystacks or Big Daddy, so I fucking loved Earthquake and Typhoon”

    YES.

    • Samuel

      I still think like this and am more excited about Husky Harris than every skinny little fucking Zach Ryder or Jack Swagger lame-o.

      • rocko

        You get excited by fat people…Now there is nothing wrong with that, but I don’t think this is an appropriate to talk about your fetish.

        • Hoppy

          Best commment ever

  • TheAustaku

    Damn those ropes are loose. Looser than Paris Hilton’s vagina.

  • http://www.facebook.com/desmond.warzel Desmond

    Major laughs for the battle royal being announced as “scheduled for one fall.”

  • The Toast

    I’m confused, are you raising money for charity for every time you use an exclamation mark?

    • FataMorgana

      About what you got paid for this shitty comment, I figure.

  • gaytardo montalbon

    So the first person out was Jannety, basically the second the bell rang. I’m always amused at who the booking staff has zero faith in. I could only imagine the indignity of knowing that out of the entire locker room, they want you out of that match quicker than anybody. I guess the Bushwackers were busy that night.

    Oct 13 1991, than this is just after the August 91 Summerslam where the Mountie loses the night in jail match to the Bossman… pretty sure he had that awesome theme song at that point. Also its right before Flair helps the Taker beat Hogan for the title, easily one of his first WWF matches.

    Sorry to ramble, but this was my Golden Era of the WWF. I love this year or two of wrestling, so seeing this for the first time is pretty awesome.

    • FataMorgana

      “So the first person out was Jannety, basically the second the bell rang.”

      Huh. Were we watching the same match?

    • Haxxor Jim Duggan

      First person out was …. the fuck are you talking about, son?

  • chris

    “…ring announcer…reminds me of the bad guy from the James Bond film live and let die…” you mean Yaphet Kotto.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/EvilBazz EvilBazz

      Yes! see I couldn’t find his name, and i had a blank trying to remember what else he was in.

      • PalaceOfWisdom

        Couldnt be bothered to type Live And Let Die into Wikipedia or imdb, huh?

  • Mr. DJ

    “If he won it, he’d want to have it bronzed!”

    More like, Flair would lose it in one of his divorces :p

  • cavalier

    I would like to stand in solidarity with Maffew, as I really liked Paul Roma back in the day. Before I understood what jobbers were I use to root for the Young Stallions, his tag team with Jim Powers. And Roma has an amazing vertical leap. Once saw him jump so high he needed to kick down to hit the guy.

    • Josh

      Maffew didn’t write this r-tard.

  • James

    you can cleary see bulldog holding the teapot at the end of the 2nd vid but its a crowd shot..

  • Dave

    Interesting to read a fan’s perspective how the WWF booked their international shows. Of course the hometown boy will be favored (look at the main event of SummerSlam 92).

    As an American I always hated how the UK shows would be booked so oddly (no headliners like Hogan or important title matches), are never used for important PPVs like SummerSlam or WrestleMania (imagine a WM in the UK or Japan. But maybe there’s a reason why they don’t do these things) & NOTHING truly exciting happens (except Bulldog vs Michaels). You would think if they’re going out of their way to do a PPV in the UK they would release it worldwide & have something important enough happen to show on television & boost DVD (or VHS back then) sales.

    All apart of the WWF/E dissapointment factor.

    • Kb

      Time differences are the reason PPVs are usually in the US.

  • MrCharm69

    That Andre The Giant limp-in was faster than any Kevin Nash “run-in”.

  • Jesus Christ

    Jesus Christ. Shit writing, mate. Maybe try editing it next time.

  • ryno

    I enjoy these bad match/good memory posts, awesome, i was also an earthquake fan……

  • Chrissy

    I remember this well.

    It was the Samovar Trophy, and they did award it in the ring.

    From memory it was a crappy plastic small teapot type trophy.

    The reason I remember this so vividly, is that the base of the trophy fell off when Davey Boy lifted it up!

    I have never seen before or even since such shit made to try and fool the audience this was some sort of coveted and ancient prize.

    Again from memory, Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heanan did nothing for 2 hours but to harp on how prestigious this trophy was.

    Also from memory, I think the WWF only bought over a small contingent of wrestlers to the UK because everyone that was involved in the battle royal also had a singles/tag match earlier that night.

    A piss poor excuse to get extra cash out of the viewing public, glad no one in the UK had to pay for it apart from the standard movies/sports subscription fee.

  • Wooo