Still surprised Evan Bourne is in the WWE Intro. Like, to begin with, not just because of legal highs.

Rock/Cena MV package has the Jimmy Hart version of Requiem for a Tower playing over it.

The World Champions Punk and Bryan are being used to build the Long/Ace feud? Oh this company. I’m glad I didn’t watch the SUPER SMACKDOWN SMASHING GREAT.

WWF cool ten years ago: I’m gonna kick your ass because I’m the best!

WWE cool in 2012: I’m better because POLITICS TWITTER INSIDER REFERENCES.

The Punk/Jericho interactions finally built on the existing interest in the match rather than take away from it. There was still too much I ROSE TO THE TOP BECAUSE OF MY SKILL AND OVERCAME BACKSTAGE POLITICS AND TRIPLE H IS A TWAT dialogue, but like the non-stop references to Twitter I’ll just come to accept it.

So it’s Henry Rollins vs. Fozzy at Wrestlemania then. WE’RE GONNA HAVE A TV PARTY TONIGHT (in this very ring).

Bryan/Punk had a credible match but when it’s their third in three weeks and built around everything else BUT Bryan/Punk it was hard to care. If they have The Dynamic Dudes vs. Doom at Wrestlemania, this Ace/Long feud will be worth it. I’ll settle for Kenta Kobashi vs. Norman The Lunatic too.

The photos used for the HHH/Undi match-up are YEARS old. Look at them!

They treat Undi/HHH as a very important match. They have out-of-character/real soundbites from other wrestlers talking about how important it was (they were right, it saved last year’s Wrestlemania being the worst Wrestlemania), but having the out-of-character stuff mid-way during Raw is so jarring, just like whenever they use kayfabe terms or refer to being ”held down” and such. And they have John Cena and The Rock talk about how manly Undi/HHH was! These guys are main eventing Wrestlemania and WWE puts them together? What the hell happened to this company’s organisation skills over the last few months?

Triple threat tag team title match between Swagger/Ziggler vs. Epico/Primo vs. Truth/Kingston was a lot of fun. Team O won and just as I am about to type ”These are a good bunch of people to start building a division with”, Kane comes down and chokeslams a member of each team.

Abridged Michael Cole moment:”Kelly Kelly tweeted *display of twitter message appears on screen* and you can see this Twitter message by ignoring what’s on TV and log onto your computer or iPad or something OOPS never mind the match is over, Kelly Kelly won so don’t bother The Miz vs. John Cena is next.”

What purpose does The Miz serve in 2012? ”I want to go see WWE live and see the guy who talks about being crap and undeserving all the time?”

Jerry Lawler:”That was a great victory for Cena as he was going against a very determined Miz.” Determined? He lost in 4 minutes! This is the absolute main problem with WWE that makes me not care about 90% of their roster. I’ll save it for a later blog/rant though because The Rock is next to be typed about.

Oh wait, Cody Rhodes & Mark Henry (is he still injured? I don’t know what’s real anymore) vs. The Big Show & Sheamus. Cody shows a video of Big Show losing to Floyd Mayweather to mock him and also tries to make WWE look ‘with it’ (Twitter!) by mentioning Mayweather and his fight soon. He then runs away and lets Mark Henry get pinned. Sadly Henry gets pinned in LESS THAN A MINUTE so yes, he must be injured. I know Henry isn’t being pushed as the unstoppable monster anymore but that was still amazingly short-sighted. Maybe I’m biased because I love me some Mark Henry but this company needs jobbers or Ted Dibiase Jr. immediately. At the very least, Rhodes/Big Show should provide some entertainment at Wrestlemania because Rhodes is so damn good right now.

The Rock talks and has the crowd in the palm of his hands (and the back of his wrist).

The Rock is The Fonz and the rest of the Raw roster is…the rest of the characters not named ‘The Fonz’ from Happy Days. His delivery and presence only demonstrates how wooden and fake everybody else sounds.

The Rock says ”babyface”. FOR THE LOVE OF-oh he namedrops Randy Savage and Roddy Piper, s’all good.

John Cena comes out and says he doesn’t need notes on his wrists, making Rock’s muscles swell like a fucking Dragon Ball Z character. Cena then says ”The Rock doesn’t care if this company closes tomorrow.” How is THAT any way to have a feud? ”I’m more of a company man than you”?  All it sounds like is ”My films were less successful than yours.”

Maybe WWE secretly wants the crowd to boo The Rock because ‘he left’ but they don’t seem to realise that most people don’t care, we’re just glad he’s back, making a load of money doing what he loves and still able to be entertaining. Cena wants us to boo him for doing his job? Fat chance.

Also of note: If Rocky was reading notes from a wrist, it must pain Cena to know Rock was still able to deliver his dialogue better than him.

Highlights!

Eve just laughing at Kelly Kelly’s Saved By The Bell-esque acting skills

THE ROCK

If you ignore the YOU LEFT, CHEER ME INSTEAD side of it, John Cena was on fire tonight. Especially ”Tweet about that”.

Tag team divison liiiiivveeesss.

CM Punk/Jericho finally confront one another as they should be doing.

 

Lowlights!

Me realising how many CAPITAL LETTERS I use to ILLUSTRATE MY POINT when I am FULL OF TEA.

Only Veterans/Part-Timers/GMs/Tits are getting a push.

The company has their big stars pinned on a weekly basis (Mark Henry, The Miz).

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