Hell In A Cell Live-Tweets

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Added by October 31, 2012


Come for that Gif, stay for the Live-Tweets.
 

  • Oh shit, HIAC is on now? AWESOME, I LOVE YOU TIME-SKIPPING DEVICE!
  • Randy Orton feuding with someone? And it’s on a PPV? GEE, I WONDER WHO’S WINNING. (will look like an idiot if Del Rio wins) (Well Del Rio inexplicably got a title run this time last year, so it wasn’t out of the realms of possibility he’d inexplicably pin Orton here.)
  • Still waiting for Del Rio to lose all his money and have to do work for Ricardo. ”RICAAAAAAAAAARDDDOOOOOOO”
  • Look at all those tats on Randy Orton. HMV will never employ him now. (HMV recently issued new employee regulations, including ”no visible tattoos or long hair.”)
  • Vince McMahon must love JBL saying Orton vs. ADR is bigger than Hell in a Cell. Given the main event this year, he’s right.
  • Del Rio’s career is so far underground you need a Wheat lamp just to see it.
  • Only in WWE could Randy Orton be more tanned than a Mexican.
  • OH MY GOD THE LOW KI/NECRO BUTCHER DOUBLE STOMP IN THE CORNER? IN WWE?
  • DEL RIO WITH A NOTHING OUTTA NOWHERE (Poor Del Rio. He was trying so hard there and THAT’S going to be the thing people remember about this match)
  • ORTON WINS! IT HAPPENED! IT HAPPENED! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!! (Combination of George Foreman and The Miracle on Ice there. Should have gone with DEL RIO THINKS HE’S OVER? HE IS NOW! THAT HE LOST.)
  • Del Rio’s in-ring work has been better than usual the last few months. Shame it’s all for nothing, but kudos anyway. (His (hopefully) last match against Sheamus was nearly Del Rio wrestling himself for fifteen minutes)
  • I’m afraid of The Boogeyman and even more afraid of seeing him wrestle again.
  • Oh hell a wrestler laughed in a heely manner and I’ve already got 6 messages about corpsing. (Seriously: Corpsing refers to people laughing when they’re not supposed to be. Whenever a heel smirks someone messages me about corpsing. Mind you, if you smile during SmackDown I’d consider that corpsing.)
  • It’s 2012 and WWE has a tag team division. ”It’s always darkest before the dawn.” Shame the darkness lasted 2007-2011.
  • Do you think if Damien Sandow wins the tag titles tonight, KC James will be watching the PPV home alone with Doritos and a tear in his eye?
  • Not sure if that was supposed to look like Damien Sandow flipping off Kane, but if it was BY GOD I LOVE THIS MAN. (No, it’s just the super-posh finger pose he does before the elbow. Accidental greatness there. And a beard.)
  • Can’t wait for the skits involving Damien trying to convince Cody to grow a beard. ”You’ll look sophisticated!” ”Nah, I’m too pretty”
  • A month of build for that finish. It’s like when you spend ages making a sandwich and then realise there’s mould everywhere on the bread.
  • Ten seconds of post-match argument and then a frigging dubstep National Geographic commercial kicks in.
  • Miz is so good he can no-sell Doomsday Prep. ”You want me to shamelessly plug it in my promo? BRING IT, I’M THE MIZ I DON’T EVEN CARE” (I like to point out great things as well as botches, so I’ll say it again: Miz has been excellent since his comeback.)
  • Kingston wins the IC belt on WWE WEDNESDAY WHAMMY or whatever it’s called but they can’t finish a tag team match on PPV. (I was annoyed at the tag match, can you tell?).
  • ”These two men have developed an intense rivalry.  Larry King’s wife threw water on The Miz and then Kofi knocked The Miz out.” (The first sentence was actually said by J.R.)
  • The commentators are bringing up Miz’s reality show background and reminding us how awful he was. Will we see Boo headlining BFG 2016?
  • I love Kofi’s IMMA FLIP OVER ONTO MY HEAD SO I CAN TRY AND PIN YOU BY ROLLING YOU GENTLY ONTO YOUR SHOULDERS move.
  • WWE story-telling: One dude works the other dude’s limb and then other dude ignores it and does a move to win anyway. (YEAH, REALLY. They spend ten minutes telling a story and then end it without finishing it properly, like Monty Python and The Holy Grail. Very frustrating., especially Kingston simply using ”the other leg” to do his finish.)
  • Kofi Kingston post-match interview: ”Take me seriously again please, I’m getting pushed.”
  • *replaces every blue-screen square in Wrestlemania commercial with Cornette Face* (Good lord what a lame looking commercial that is. Like a mid-90s airliner advert, except they’re advertising actually going somewhere.)
  • Kane and Bryan are one of those couples that argue in front of their mates then go home and have wild, passionate sex. (judging by the amount of retweets this got, lots of people know a couple like this)
  • The dude who got the pin on Raw in a non-title match gets a title shot on PPV? Nice old-school booking, shame he didn’t get an ounce of hype.
  • ”We’d like to thank all the people watching this show in bunkers around the world. And New Jersey.” (A tad insensitive there, sorry.)
  • Weird watching Claudio do less entertaining, fan-friendly spots and more WRESTLING in friggin’ WWE. No wonder the crowd is meh’d. (As anyone who has had the pleasure of watching a Claudio Castagnoli match with agree, he’s an insanely entertaining wrestler without having to do silly bumps. Which makes it all the more amazing he’s stuck in as token foreign heel Who Dislikes America and sticking to boring spots the crowd doesn’t really care about. Hopefully they’ll give him time to get out of this stage, it’s not like Punk was instantly The Man in WWE.)
  • One of the most entertaining wrestlers you’ll ever see, playing the role of a boring person. Like having Klaus Kinski portray John Major.
  • Gabriel The South African Twink With A Beard And A Mullet. It’s like he fell in the Gimmick Barrel covered in glue.
  • We’ve come a long way in terms of racial awareness and understanding in wrestling. But enough of that, next match is Mexicans vs. The Blacks. (especially when The Blacks’ gimmick is ”We’re Black!”)
  • JBL crapping over Sin Cara’s lack of sense = MILLIONS OF DOLLARS (which is like £108) (He shouted at Sin Cara for not tagging out when he the chance to. He immediately got re-dominated for another few minutes, meaning JBL was right AND he got to laugh at Sin Cara)
  • Titus: ”DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!” Andre The Giant: ”Not really, but I’ll try.”
  • Old-school JBL would have said: ”Of course Rey won with the splash! Mexicans are great at swimming!” (You can be racist as you want on Twitter as long as you preface it with ”Old-School JBL would have said:”)
  • Sin Cara knew I was working on SinCaraMania and threw me a bone. Sadly it was attached to his neck at the time.
  • I honestly think WWE thinks Ireland is like The Gate from Game of Thrones or something. ”What do you mean they have running water?” (Calling Sheamus’ fans ”Hooligans” supports this theory)
  • Tony Chimel doesn’t say ”weighing” he says ”Wayne”
  • I love that whenever they show wrestlers watching the show backstage, they’re always standing. Who STANDS to watch TV? (and on a sideways slant?)
  • People are calling this match boring. I’m adding a star every time Sheamus gets hit. MOTY.
  • JBL knows the WWE needs him rather than the other way around. Makes for good commentary. ”Fuck it, I’m gonna name drop Fit Finlay.” (I forgot Finlay had been re-signed, but my point still stands. I just picked the wrong wrestler to use out of the dozens he name-dropped that night, which is impressive in itself)
  • J.R. ”Sheamus’ heart will never give out!” *pause on commentary as everybody thinks ”…ah.”*
  • It was worth all those bad segments on Raw just to see Sheamus get beat up for ten minutes. WWE knows what I like. (BECAUSE I FAST-FORWARDED THEM, BWAHAHA)
  • Given Sheamus’ over-the-top accent and Big Show’s goatee, this feels like live-action Popeye.
  • Has anybody kicked out of the KO Punch before? (No)
  • Jim Ross: ”Some say Big Show is one dimensional. And that dimension is a big right hand!” WHAT.
  • Sheamus best match ever. HE LOST. (Where did THAT match come from? I know Sheamus is capable of good matches with Daniel Bryan, but I wasn’t expecting another performance that good out of him via The Big Show. Marvellous performance and bollocks to the people who said ”it was slow to start off” when talking about a Big Show/Sheamus match.)
  • Teddy Long: ”Holla Playa! Time for some plot exposition because nobody pays attention to these segments on Raw!”
  • Imagine if Ron Simmons forgot his lines. (Some guy replied with ”Doom!”)
  • Is Kaitlyn’s dye-job supposed to not include the front? It just looks like she missed.
  • Divas title on the line. CASH IT IN ZIGGLER, CASH IT IN *clap clap*
  • Remember when Alex Shelley had Kaitlyn’s hair-do?
  • JBL gets the Divas mixed up. I honestly don’t blame him. My money’s on the one with big tits.
  • I remember when the crowd made this much noise during Triple H vs. Orton at Wrestlemania.
  • With all due respect to Farooq, Ron Simmons’ cameo wasn’t half as funny as that match.
  • Big Show looks credible? They’re pushing his positives? Good WWE, come here so I can tickle your tummy.
  • LAST TIME I WAS THIS EXCITED FOR A MATCH, IT WAS KEVIN NASH VS. TRIPLE H LADDER MATCH
  • HELLO EVERYONE, YOU’RE WATCHING NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS ENTER FIRST (every champ bar Antonio came out first)
  • Mis-quote Under Siege 2 and you get ”Ryback is the mother of all fuck-ups.”
  • Remember when Bret Hart carried British Bulldog to his best match ever? This reminds me of that.
  • According to the crowd BORE-BERG is wrestling.
  • *Heyman uses a flying cloud and a fishing rod with food to distract Ryback into falling into a hole, Punk retains*
  • HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA (This was a reaction the main event finish, as I realised how obvious it was that I hadn’t considered it a possibility due to none of the referees having identities any more. I then realised immediately how annoyed this was making people which only added to the guffawness.)
  • They were in Atlanta so they decided to book appropriately. (That was just a joke that needed to be made one point in the night, even if there was nothing wrong with the finish. WCW is funny forever)
  • Overall: Better than expected PPV. Kofi/Miz and Show/Sheamus were great, Sin Cara botched and Punk made Ryback look good. CHEER UP FUCKERS. (If I get another meme to catch on, can it please be CHEER UP FUCKERS?)
  • Fucking LOL at people calling it one of the worst PPVs in a long time because Austin didn’t do a run-in and Ryback didn’t dive off the cell.
  • ”EVEN THOUGH NO-ONE HAS FALLEN OFF THE CELL IN OVER A DECADE, I STILL EXPECTED IT TO HAPPEN” – everybody
  • Santa Claus isn’t real, Bruce Willis is a ghost and CM Punk vs. Steve Austin is never happening.
  • Wrestling fans are the most self-loathing people in the world, hating the thing they watch and spend money on. I LOVE IT.
  • I’M SO ANGRY I’M GONNA WATCH RAW TOMORROW NIGHT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED.
  • Wrestling fans are like The Three Bears, except it’s either too hot, too cold or I’VE SEEN BETTER. (Being able to watch angry, bitter, adults moan about a finish and how it was the worst possible thing they could have done and all the kiddies in the crowd would burn their Cena boots upon seeing it was the highlight of the PPV. If you can only watch wrestling through the eyes of an accountant and not as a fan then it’s time to stop)

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  • mrchopper

    That exchange… Wow. It’s like BM in a single moment. The finger. The slaps. The… Wow.

  • tmacman

    I watched it as a fan, I was not entertained by the main event, forget about the ending, I thought it was quite slow, and that “hell in a cell” should be renamed “Purgatory in a View Obstruction”.

    Oh well, Sheamus vs. Big Show was very good, so it wasn’t a complete loss.

  • Codster9

    “Big Show looks credible? They’re pushing his positives? Good WWE, come here so I can tickle your tummy.”I immediately remembered the time you pointed out Big Show looked like a fat Justin Credible.
    Justin Satiable!

  • Missingno

    Love these tweets, I don’t understand how people continually down the ppv’s. I thought HIAC was actually quite entertaining. People need to stop expecting a return back to the Attitude era. It’s just not going to happen.

    • That guy

      Well then their viewership will just keep going down and the only thing that will be on is TNA. So that’s something to consider. “the rise and fall of WWE”, dvd, cant wait!!!! 

  • Brennan

    I liked this PPV and the fact that as Maffew pointed out Heel Show getting push as big angry unstoppable giant finally they’re doing it right though the fact that the Punk/Ryback finish was a ball shot meh could’ve been better but on the other hand it could of been a hell of a lot worse and Sin Cara when won’t you botch?

  • http://twitter.com/aaron24wood Aaron Wood

    Pretty much every one of your tweets about the main event was spot on, Maffew. 

  • 1 2

    Thanks for collecting these, and the additional thoughts. I enjoyed HIAC, but its rare I enjoy something so much I don’t have criticisms to throw at it, and your healthy dose of snark caters to that very nicely.

    I actually enjoy some of Sheamus’ in-ring work, but he’s been crushing everybody with very little uncertainty – when he actually gets the shit kicked out of him and looks vulnerable, it makes for more interesting matches. Oh, and I’ve only seen bits and pieces of Castagnoli’s other work, but I really enjoy his wwe style(in ring character?). His “fat power ranger” rant was also hilarious.

  • Samuel Pooley

    The PPVs are actually the best things WWE does at the moment. There have been at least 1 or 2 matches I’ve really enjoyed each month this year. I’ve stopped regularly watching Raws* though and just catch whatever Heyman and Bryan do online.

    “I’M SO ANGRY I’M GONNA WATCH RAW TOMORROW NIGHT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED.” Isn’t wrestlings biggest problem that you are only left with these types left? No-one from the outside is watching, no potential fan is sticking around for 12 hours of tripe a week (half of which is Vickie fucking Guerrero). Of a roster of say 35, there is what, 5 guys worth noticing? And one of those, Ziggler, is just ‘oh hey he does cool spots’ and has no personality. Things seem to be going in a better direction though.

    *The Raw I officially gave up with is the one after they all went on strike, to… come back off strike, have Vince hire Johnny Ace, bring back the Miz and R-Truth for no reason at all and have all the heels beat the shit out everyone for no reason after they/everyone else went on strike because Miz and R-Truth were beating the shit out of everyone for no reason. Tuesday mornings have been so much more fun just spending a half hour reading a review, cherry picking the two things worth seeing and then catching the rest on Botchamania.

  • http://twitter.com/kndrgrtnhzngrtl dork from KHR

    wait. . . . . . . . HMV still exists?

  • Guest

    Hell In A Cell definitively proved that no one gives half a crap about the US Championship. I could not care. At all. No one cared. Even the slightest bit. The Divas Championship is a more credible title. The NXT belt is a more credible title. It’s not even that they’re bad wrestlers, because they’re not, but that was the single most boring match on a PPV I think I’ve seen since Goldberg/Lesnar, and there have been a hell of a lot of boring PPV matches in that time. Jesus Christ, no one cares about these characters, this belt or these wrestlers. It’s like beige diarrhea.

    I’d also like to point out how much of a difference it makes having an actual tag team instead of two singles wrestlers slapped together. Seriously, I like Rhodes and Sandow a hell of a lot, and Daniel Bryan is one of the best wrestlers in the company, but that match looked terrible compared to what was really a pretty average tag team match between PTP and Sin Cara & Mysterio. Actually being a tag team makes a hell of a difference.

    Then again, maybe I was just so bored by the United States Championship match that it tainted everything that came before it and made everything after it look like mana from heaven.

  • Smartbreakkid

    The Orton/Del Rio botch was hilarious, but it was just a timing error. Del Rio didn’t throw anything because Orton was supposed to hit the standing dropkick as Del Rio came off. That’s why they went straight into the dropkick immediately after. Either Del Rio slipped and had to go too early or Orton forgot to go for the kick. Either way, it was a great match with one little mishap.