Tyler Breeze vs. Sami Zayn

I love how the ultra-vain wrestling character has been updated to the constant-selfie-taking wrestler and it works so well because nowadays every-one knows a constant-selfie-taking wanker. Or is one.

The commentators remind us of Sami’s inability to win a big match, having lost every big NXT match he’s had. Oh and he already lost to Tyler previously this year. Straight away we have a match that means something. I love NXT’s ability to make a match important as opposed to Raw’s ”here’s a match to pass the time while we hype an app or JBL waffles on about WCCW gimmicks because he’s drunk”. Jason Albert hypes Tyler’s new aggressive streak as Tyler bulldogs Sami into the turnbuckle and immediately afterwards makes sure his hair is OK.

Crowd is surprisingly quiet as the commentators fill the air with debate about Sami’s wins in title matches. Tyler counters a Blue Thunder Bomb into a beautiful neckbreaker for two. Sami tries to come off the top but Tyler counters with a perfectly-timed dropkick for another two. I agree with the commentators, his new aggressive streak is sweet. They counter and counter until a Super Model Kick (GREAT FUCKING NAME) by Tyler…only gets two. Crowd was sure that was it. Sami preserves and is able to hit the Exploder Suplex into the corner and the HELLUVA KICK for the pin!

Why do we love guys like Sami Zayn (and Daniel Bryan)? Because they’re likable guys who get beat up, take it and survive. But can he move from surviving to winning? Even if he doesn’t, we’ll still love him so he may as well try.

NXT Champion Adrian Neville declares he sees Sami as the No. 1 Contender…but he’s not known for winning the big one, is he? Love how the Fatal Four Way match itself and crowd reactions has spilled into the storylines. (Zayn came so close to winning that some of the crowd booed good guy Neville for succeeding).

Dash Wilder vs. Tyson Kidd

Dash gets no reaction and Tyler gets heckled and booed. Jason (who I’ll call Albert from now on) sounds a lot like Captain Lou Albano. Kidd applies a long chinlock which is a misfire as the crowd doesn’t feel like clapping for Dash. Dash hits a powerslam and the commentators flip their shit to riotous silence. Kidd has enough and neckbreakers him into the Sharpshooter for the tap-out win.

Nearly a squash with Dash ”Flashes of brilliance, honest!!” Wilder.

Marcus Louis is shown backstage being crazy. And probably cold due to the lack of hair.

Zayn compares himself to The Count Of Monte Cristo, on the path to redemption. Nice reference that worked. Wait, a literary reference? Why aren’t they talking about Miley Cyrus or MTN DEW?

Becky Lynch & Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte & Bayley

Every woman has a character, this is the main event and the crowd is louder for this than the opener! We’re through the looking glass now.

Banks is a good chicken-shit heel as the crowd is all over her like a fat lass on a case of Freddos. Match is good old-school tag team match, complete with cravates. Banks locks in a figure four neck lock and slams her face-first into the match, Charlotte-style. And if that wasn’t cunty enough, Banks gets the pin via Schoolgirl and tights-grab. Nice match gets the baddies a win as they float towards justifying a title shot.

The Ascension call out Hideo Itami (KENTA, if you’re just joining in) and whoever he wants to team-up with to wrestle them…which brings out Finn Bálor, the awesome wrestler formerly known as Prince Devitt! They charge the ring and kick fuck out of Ascension. Bálor finishes with a diving double foot stomp and holy shit is that an over-powered tag team. If NXT was a beat ’em up, Itami & Bálor would be banned from tournaments.

Crowd reacted like Jesus Christ The Wrestler showed up to the arena, so everything here gets a thumbs up.

13th November

Shows commences with Bálor’s entrance (and nice theme) until Tyson Kidd comes out to mock him. NO, KIDD. YOU CAN’T WIN THIS ONE. Then Justin Gabriel joins in the Finn-mocking, which is like staying at a hotel and the porter insulting you as he carries your bags to your room.

Team Overpowered vs. Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel

This is pure exhibition, which is good on the eyes. Kidd & Gabriel get some kind-of offence but it’s 90% Finn and Hideo kicking the fuck out of the pair of them. I dared to read what some other people thought of NXT (rarely a good idea) and there’s a fair few who are unimpressed with Hideo…after his whole month stay. Personally I don’t see the negatives as I’m not expecting the guy to be silky smooth from day one and it’s not like he’s Sin Cara-ing his way through matches. Anyway, Finn wins with another brutal double foot stop.

Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss

Bliss hasn’t got much of a chance here, as nice as her blue and blonde hair is. Banks tries to get a submission from an Indian Deathlock but Bliss manages to get a Code Red sunset flip out of the corner (!) but Banks shrugs it off because the NXT women are tough and gets the submission from The Bank Statement.

Post-match Banks challenges Charlotte for the NXT Womens Title. Interesting that Becky Lynch accompanied Banks to the ring but didn’t need to interfere. Or do anything other than big her Banks up. She’s just there for moral support.

Backstage, Neville reminds us that him and Zayn are good, good friends…before adding that he always loses big matches. AWWWWWWWW SHIT.

Lucha Dragons vs. Buddy Murphy & Wesley Blake

Lucha are dressed in all-yellow outfits and look like two naff-looking bees rather than their usual cool-looking attire. Their opponents come out to dubstep, so I’m with the bees.

The commentators talk about how some say the Lucha Dragons haven’t been tested since their rematch with The Ascenscion, which is slang for ”they’re gonna beat these two wubsteppers.” Murphy counters a dive into a suplex though. Even the no-hopers have something going for them. Blake hits a Double Stomp to a standing Kalisto, which is a weird Faux Pas considering Team Overpowered’s big thing is Double Stomps. Kalisto gets beat up until Blake monkey flips Kalisto…and he sunset flips Murphy with the momentum allowing him to tag. Nice! Sin Cara surges in and knocks people down because he’s the good one. Kalisto dives with a fucking crazy something to the outside allowing Cara to get the pin after a swanton.

Very, very decent. I wasn’t expecting anything from Murphy and Blake because one of them was wearing tassles, but I was way off.

Adrian Neville vs. Sami Zayn (NXT Title)

Zayn needs to prove himself in a title match or he’s going to get a Lex Luger reputation. This match is going to be sweet so everybody wins.

Zayn takes the advantage with armdrags to begin with, getting the crowd behind him and making Neville pull a ”really, mate?” face.

Neville casually beats up Zayn. Both men’s mannerisms and facial expressions are top-notch, Zayn’s desperate and Neville’s almost bored. Neville tries the handspring but Zayn beautifully turns it into a Powerbomb for two. Zayn looks more desperate now. He ducks a Neville kick and holds onto a German Suplex into another German Suplex…but then holds on for a head-and-arms Suplex. For two. He looks for the Helluva kick but Neville gets his legs up and counters Zayn’s Exploder Suplex. He goes to the top and misses the Red Arrow as the crowd goes nuts. Zayn charges up the kick but Neville’s hurt his leg coming down on the Red Arrow. The ref interjects and throws up the X. Crowd’s begging Zayn to not check up on him, but he’s his mate. So Zayn checks up on him only for the jammy bastard to roll him up for the three, ah Fuck.

Thrilling match, just awesome stuff from both men.

Neville pats Zayn on the shoulder and says ”thanks mate”, as Zayn looks devastated. I love dick Neville.

20th November

Bayley vs. Becky Lynch

Dancing tube girl vs. headbanger. Renee mocking Alex Riley for calling Becky a rock chick is pretty funny. Both commentators sound like human beings on NXT, which is a nice change from sounding and acting like robots on the PPV pre-shows.

Banks jumps on the apron before Bayley can get any momentum going and Lynch schoolgirls her (with tight pull, just like the tag match two weeks ago!) for the win. Match was brief and served it’s purpose. After the match Charlotte scares off Banks and Becky.

And after the break, Bayley hugs Charlotte and thanks her for her help.

The Vaudevillains are here and everything is great. They’re the number one contenders to the tag titles and they want their match NOW. Lucha Dragons music plays and…some midgets (or dwarves) dressed as Lucha Dragon come out. Oh man, it’s been years since we’ve seen a ‘midgets (or dwarves) as opponents’ angle. It’s more old school than the rest of their gimmick. The Vaudevillains want to wrestle and the midgets are like ”woah wait, we didn’t agree to that” but can’t escape in time. They get tossed and washed quickly.

Baron Corban vs. Elias Sampson

Brilliantly, the crowd counts as soon as the bell rings. It’s over in twenty-two seconds and the crowd chants it afterwards. Awesome!

As he walks to the back, Bull comes out for his match which is apparently set for two seconds after Baron’s.

Bull Dempsey vs. Steve Cutler

Crowd counts again, but as soon as they get to twenty-three they stop and chant ”Baron’s better” This crowd man, this crowd. Bull wins with a top rope splash, Alex even calls the match a ”squash” on commentary.

Tyson Kidd vs. CJ Parker

CJ’s an eco-warrior and Alex dares to bust out ”May The Forest Be With You”. Neither men are particulalrly liked by the crowd. CJ tries to fight Kidd but he falls to the neckbreaker/Sharpshooter combo quickly so he can at least get some Muesli while the shops are still open.

Kidd says his uncle Bret Hart would always challenge rather than wait for the challenge, so offers to excellently execute Finn next week.

Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. Dash Wilder & Scott Dawson

Crowd is totally into Amore & Cassady’s two-man show entrance. It’s always fun watching a crowd chant along like that and God knows this crowd likes making noise. Dawson looks like a relative of Michael Elgin. Neither have got a chance so I might as well say something about them. Enzo kicks him for the win after a minute with change. Amore & Cassady are the 2014 version of Miz & Morrison in the sense that they’re almost bigger than the show itself.

The Ascension gang-rush Wilder & Dawson afterwards. They beat up the losers? Woah, what a pair of bad-arses. They call out Finn & Hideo, but it looks like they’ll have to join the queue at this rate.

Zayn (with his Faith No More The Real Thing shirt) says hello to Regal backstage. Regal’s the same colour as smooth peanut butter, by the way.

In the ring, Zayn replays the footage of the cheap-arse way he lost last week and Neville comes out limping the entire way. Zayn asks for another shot at the title, stating that if he can’t win he’ll be done with NXT. Neville says he’d love to but that’s Regal’s job. He says he still likes Zayn as a friend who has nothing to prove but Zayn flips out and tells him HE’LL tell him what he needs to prove. Regal comes out to calm them down and sets the match for the next special in December.

Neville asks for Zayn to change his mind about the stipulation…because he doesn’t want to be responsible for ending his career. AWWWWWWWW MAN WHAT A BELL-END. Zayn demands to have the stipulation and leaves like a man.

27th November

Tyler Breeze vs. Marcus Louis

Renee says being sat in between Alex and Albert is like being at a Macy’s Day Parade. Marcus is still devastated after losing his hair and eyebrows. He looks like Deucalion. Or anybody with no hair or eyebrows, they all look the same. Tyler is wondering if he should wrestle ”the uggest of the uggs.” He rides him some more, saying no-one will ever love him…and then decks him with the Beauty Shot to get the quick pin. MAN. When NXT guys are dicks, they’re 100% dick.

Crowd isn’t very sympathetic towards Marcus. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to like him either.

Enzo, Cassady & The Sing Along Intro come out to introduce Carmella. Renee dead-pans how nice her eyebrows are. Enzo introduces Carmella’s opponent, the second appearance of…Blue Pants.

Carmella vs. Blue Pants

Cassady sings the theme from The Price Is Right for her intro music. Crowd is going crazy. Cassady assures her she’s going to get murked. Dropkick and a leg crossface and that’s her done.

NXT, where the jobbers are super-over.

Finn is asked about Kidd’s threats from last week. He suggests Kidd put tonight’s match on a DVD and send it to Bret instead.

Lucha Dragons vs. Tye Dillinger & Jason Jordan

That’s a lot of first names disguised as surnames. Lucha are extra-spicey because of the ”Lucha Umpas” (thanks Renee) from last week. Jordanger get cocky and start mocking Kalisto, who gets the tag from Sin Cara and obliterates both men with flips. He finishes the match with the Salida Del Sol. Good showcase of Lucha Dragons and their formula (Cara gets beat up, Kalisto flips).

Kevin Owens video. So not only are all these great wrestlers already here, but now Steen is showing up? Every week it’s my birthday.

Bayley comes out and calls Banks & Lynch bullies. This draws both women out and they thrash her. They sadly don’t stop what they’re doing and reflect on their actions and realise ”oh my God, she’s right.” Bayley is helped out by the refs.

Kidd & Nat are asked about Finn’s comments and Kidd interrupts Nat to answer, even though she’s putting him over. Nat points out Bret’s HER uncle but Kidd corrects her and says he’s THEIR uncle, then asks her to check on the cats. Kidd is playing Teddy Hart perfectly.

A silent film promo for The Vaudevillains airs. No recap will do it justice…but it’s not on YouTube! AHHHH.  Take my word for it.

Tyson Kidd vs. Finn Bálor

Bálor’s a natural headliner. Kidd starts things off and sends him to the outside but before Kidd can finish a dive, Bálor hides behind Natalie! Crowd has the nerve to chant ”Tyson Chicken”. What’s he supposed to do, hit his wife? You’re getting your Tysons mixed up.

In the ring, Kidd chinlocks Bálor and shouts at the ref ”Ask him!” and when the ref replies he said no, he tells him ”Well ask him in Irish!” Bálor manages a brainbuster on Kidd but he kicks out. He misses a dive off the top but Kidd’s unable to get the sharpshooter locked in. Bálor gets the knees up when Kidd attempts the springboard elbow and just as he’s looking to finish things, The Ascension show up and attack Finn for the DQ. Match was damn fine until then.

Hideo shows up to even things up but then so does everyone else and it’s a mass brawl as we go off the air.

Overall: As you can hopefully gather, I love this show. Everybody looks great on it, the matches are entertaining (even the squashes) and there’s so many good characters on here. Amazing that WWE couldn’t properly fill a three hour Survivor Series with all the talent and TV time it has and yet here’s this one hour show building to a loaded Network Special.

You really should be watching this. Or er, catching up on it later like I did.

Match Of The Month: Neville vs. Zayn.