Raw rant 06/11/12

Hello and thanks for showing up to reflect on the latest episode of Monday Night Raw.

And your host for this event, hailing from a dark corner in the North East of England, someone more blunt than a sledgehammer to the bollocks, a guy with the grumpiness of a man three times his age and the only person able to get more hot and bothered than the bastard child of Ric Flair and James E. Cornette, Danny Damage.

The Raw Rant, 11th June 2012

Johnny Ace starts things off, well he tries to, but Vinny Mac flaps down the ramp and tells him that if he isn’t impressed with Raw tonight, Johnny’s getting booted out the door! Sheamus with the run in to tell Vince how much of an arse Johnny is. Ace tells Sheamus to stay in the ring as he’s got a match up next.

–Again I’m amused, confused and angered by Cole’s side switching. One minute he’s laughing at the “fire Johnny” chants, giggling with Lawler at the back and forth between Ace and Vince and the next minute he’s whining about the potential of Johnny getting fired, making up excuses for him and trying to silence Lawler’s negative comments about the man.

For anyone that doesn’t know already, we’re shown the video of the Chop of Doom from The Great Khali that gave Alberto del Rio a concussion and took him out of the title match on Sunday.

Sheamus defeats Tensai (w/Sakamoto), hitting the Brogue Kick for the win. Tensai, pissed that his Derailer only got a two count and that he was KO’d by a Bicycle Kick, destroys Sakamoto after the match.

–I guess that’s Tensai done with his push now. I noticed that he broke character last week by talking smack in English to Cena, well I’m assuming that’s what happened as he was back to being Japanese again this week.

Johnny Ace takes credit for Teddy Long’s idea of making a number one contender’s match with The Great Khali, Christian, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler, continuing to brown-nose Vince.

R-Truth gets knocked out backstage by The Big Show. Truth doing an amusing job of acting crazy, he’s just like a kid that’s consumed too much sugar.

Beth Phoenix & Ricardo Rodriguez win vs. Santino Marella & Layla. Beth finishes off Layla with the Glam Slam. Santino reveals Ricardo is wearing a Justin Bieber T-shirt. Ricardo sells like a champ in this match.

Kofi Kingston demands a match against The Big Show to Big Johnny, he makes it, but tosses a Steel Cage in the mix for good measure.

Daniel Bryan comes out to the ring to talk about the triple threat match at No Way Out and the triple threat match for the contents of AJ’s knickers. Punk comes out with a microphone and puts him in his place. Kane comes out and tells them both they’re going to lose and then AJ comes out to tell all three of them how she likes them all. Johnny Ace comes out and makes a tag match for later, CM Punk & AJ vs. Kane & Daniel Bryan.

–This week, AJ was a little more convincing. The bit last week with Josh Matthews was shit, she came off as looking stupid, not crazy.

Dolph Ziggler wins the 4 Man Elimination match (NOT a fatal four way) to become the new opponent for Sheamus at No Way Out. Here’s hoping a proper push is on the way and Ziggler’s not just been thrown at this last minute only to go back where he gets stuck most of the time.

Vince McMahon dances backstage with The Funkadactyls, for whatever reason they wanted to squeeze that in there.

Ryback destroys two men half his size, picks them both up for his finisher, crowd chants Goldberg, that old chestnut.

–All I can think to mention is the two powerbombs in this match were nowhere near as brutal as the one on Smackdown last week, he’s jumped another shark and won’t be fun to watch until he does something new.

Vince hangs out with Hornswoggle and makes a pretty harsh joke at JR’s expense and then a more light hearted joke at William Regal’s expense, who’s in the room. Cena pops in to tell Vince what he thinks of Big Johnny.

The Big Show destroys Kofi Kingston. Nothing flashy about this cage match, there was a fun bit of cat and mouse action for a brief period, but it’s just another build towards Cena/Show at No Way Out.

Sin Cara Con Botch pins Curt Hawkins after hitting La Mistica. Sin Cara’s not looking too bad at the moment, he’s not wowing me with anything but he hasn’t slipped up so much this time around, so far.

Blast from the past time and we’ve got a mystery main eventer from Raw’s past in action shortly, meanwhile, Vince tells Daniel Bryan that he’s never finished anything in eighteen seconds.

Vader runs through Heath Slater, finishing him with a second rope Vader Bomb (splash). Crowds chanting “You’ve still got it” seems to have just turned into one of those things people shout the moment anyone comes back and doesn’t trip onto their head in the first minute. Don’t get me wrong, Vader didn’t do a bad job or anything, I just knew the moonsault wasn’t coming.

CM Punk & AJ are victorious vs. Daniel Bryan & Kane. AJ takes Kane out of the match by skipping in circles around him and sticking her tongue down his throat, Punk finishes Bryan with the elbow from the top, not the GTS or the Anaconda Vice.

Vinny Mac (w/security) heads out to the ring, he calls out Big Johnny and sets himself up to use his catchphrase but the Big Show interrupts him, who in turn is interrupted by John Cena. Vince puts the fate of Ace’s job in the hands of The Big Show by saying if Cena beats him at No Way Out, People Power is gone for good! Cena and Show scuffle and Mr. McMahon ends up eating a WMD. Shock is still one of the emotions that John Cena is still trying to learn.

Afterthoughts

Much better this week, not that enjoying something more than last week’s snooze-fest was much of a difficult task though.

Less John Cena and Michael Cole this week was appreciated, Raw is still practically the John Cena show, but the extra hour may just balance it out a little bit, or make it even worse.

Tensai can’t even get on a PPV while he’s running people over, so now he’s lost twice and his moves are getting weaker, I’m waiting for him to be one of the steps Ryback will overcome when he’s finished with fighting that same match each week.

No Way Out is set up like this:

Steel Cage Match
John Cena vs. The Big Show

WWE Championship
CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

World Heavyweight Championship
Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Intercontinental Championship
Christian vs. Cody Rhodes

Diva’s Championship
Layla vs. Beth Phoenix

Pre-show match on wwe.com/youtube/etc.
Brodus Clay vs. David Otunga

I think it’s looking pretty good, considering Cena and Show is the main event and with the last minute injury of Alberto del Rio. Ziggler in there will probably entertain me more than Alberto would have done anyway.

Enjoy No Way Out!

Digest and discuss! Thanks for reading, take care and I’ll see you next week.

Danny Damage
@BluntDamage

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=875590647 Gerald Waterman

    I thought these ‘rants’ were supposed to be, y’know angry. Or funny.

  • Franke Sisto

    Show wins at No Way Out.  Calling it now. 

    • Jimghomes

       Then cena gtets ‘Fired’ and he can go off and defend his wealth versus a vengeful ex-wife.

      Sounds about right to me.

      I was reading that her lawyer intends to battle the pre-nup. What a bitch.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/VBWFXD6VSDUA3RNOATGSRXBGW4 Karthik

         Dude I heard that there was another stipulation added on Smackdown for this match, but I do not read spoilers.  You’ve obviously spoiled the stipulation for me and possibly others.  Next time make sure you include a *SPOILER* warning before your post.

        • Jimghomes

           I dont read spoilers either, it was just a guess.

          So really it was you that made the spoiler for people..if indeed that ends up being the stip. Which it will be, Im pretty certain.

      • the_honkameter

         I’m sure if Cena gets fired it will be about as successful as when the Nexus got him fired and he still showed up at every freaking Raw!

  • Jimhomes

    I havent rewatched to check but….

    Wasnt it Sheamus that injured Del Rio?

    Or am I missing a joke?

    • Jimghomes

       Oh I rewatched it again now.

      All I can say is FAAAAAAAKIN BULLSHIIIIIT..

      To that.

  • Hitmonchan

    I’m starting to like Ace even more out of spite for Cena.

    Does that make me a bad person?

    • cavalier 24601

      It’s perfectly reasonable.  As the saying goes; the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

  • cavalier 24601

    Is anyone else fascinated by the WWE’s anti-bully campaign while also having announcers and officials being insulted and attacked by wrestlers?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1077856911 Yofiel Malachi Yacov

      I find it even more funny when they do the be a star tours in schools and mark henry is the one telling kids not to be a bully cause he got bullied..while he was a heel! kayfabe is dead.

  • Not a smart mark

    This just sounds really jaded this week man. I don’t know why Vince keeps taking the piss out of JR, but the man himself doesn’t seem too fussed or he surely wouldn’t still be working for the ‘E?

  • comment subject to change

    did anyone notice that cole and lawler sit in different seats now??? i finished watching dx new and improved…. watching sheamus being a lackey security guard for coach was funny

  • comment subject to change

    looks like dolph will turn baby face after vicki and jack screw up the win for  him sunday but i guess they didnt want  orton sheamus on the card because that match would better then their themed no way out cage crap main event with you know who

  • 2517
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000845512677 Matt Lister

    So Ryback’s on Raw, I Wonder who he’s squashing, Perhaps a Real WWE Superstar?
    Nope Mike Testa