There’s no way this needs a ‘real’ write-up or analysis, but if you do want one, you can get one here.

I love Tenay’s completely unexciting start to every TNA show. He couldn’t emote a fart after a plate of baked beans. Tonight we have Borash to help generate excitement as Taz is dealing with a loss in his family.

Zema Ion vs. Jesse Sorensen

The opening match got cut short because of the above. Before that, Jesse did all the things you’d come to expect from him. Shima is still cute. Weird when real life actually interjects in TNA, as I never think ”Oh, so and so must be injured”, I automatically assume it’s an angle and wonder where they’re going with it. The poor guy ”remains hospitalized with a neck injury. He has feeling in his arms and is able to move them. He has a tingling sensation in his legs but is unable to move his legs at this time. Sorensen’s spirits are said to be high despite the circumstances.”

Robbie E vs. Shannon Moore (TV Title. Yes, really)

Robbie E. does Zack Ryder better than Zack Ryder. Robbie T does ‘Standing, looking big and pretending to listen to ear’ very well. Shannon Moore doesn’t do anything well. The match was just…there, Robbie T suckerpunched Moore and got the win. Robbie E is an entertaining character but his offence is too generic to get me into his matches. Moore as the supposed fan favourite did virtually nothing to get the crowd into it either. T did everything that was asked of him, which admittedly wasn’t much.

Tara vs. Gail Kim

These two are possibly the best female wrestlers on the roster and they tried their damnedest with OCTOPUS HOLDS (!) but there’s very little in the way of character (again) to care about here. Plus the women’s division is only slightly more full than the tag team division.

Tara moonsaults off the top…with a bad leg. Sigh. She’s never been the same since she left Birds of a Feather. Kim gives her the ”Eat the Feet!” and takes the win.

Joe & Magnus vs. Crimson & Morgan

Crimson is still unpinned apparently. That’s the worst streak since Mae Young at Rumble 2000. Also, say it with me….FROM THE ISLE OF SAMOA, THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE, SAMOA…JOE-AHHHH

I’m glad Morgan & Crimson wear different colours. Crimson is chinlock’d by Magnus and Morgan riles the crowd. Wait…are Crimson/Morgan the FACES? Not sure if it’s the crowd or the audio, but the crowd has been at ‘Church Mouse’ levels so far this night. Maybe Wembley and real fans have spoiled me. Joe & Magnus use their snapmare/top rope elbow to take the pin and the titles! (via pinning Morgan) Borash & Tenay have NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER regarding the new champions. They’re like two wank robots. I’m liking Joe/Magnus as Joe gets the chance to look good after months of looking shite and Crimson/Morgan are no longer the champions. Win Win!

Bully Ray gives an excellent promo backstage, insulting Chirsty Hemme to the best of his abilities. Everyone in the fourway has had one so far, but Ray’s was the only one worth mentioning.

Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley

Shelley returns to PPV! He’s looking sweet too. Crowd finally comes alive to cheer for both men. Aries is TOO good right now and has the Kevin Steen effect of being a heel so damn entertaining it’s hard to boo him. Very fun match featuring a ton of effort from two over guys with discernible personalities. We don’t ask for much. Felt like a PPV match, unlike everything else so far on the show. Aries at one point DVD’s Shelley on the ring apron, which I wasn’t a fan off but everything else was great. Aries retains.

AJ Styles vs. Kaz

Styles vs. Kaz was another very good match and Kaz actually got to pin someone on PPV. They seem to be redoing the ROH 2002 storyline with Kaz getting the push (like Xavier) and Daniels assisting him wherever possible, mostly via smirking and looking evil. Styles cost HIMSELF the win too, rather than evil Daniels hitting him or something. Styles wasted time and effort by moonsaulting Daniels on the outside, so Kaz grabbed him and unleashed the I Love Metallica slam for the win.

Garrett vs. Gunner

Garrett vs. Gunner is my current contender for Worst Match Of The Year and it’s only February. Gunner is bland to the point where he could literally be anybody. Garrett is Scrappy Doo with a worse haircut. The crowd (mostly quiet all night) switched off completely here. Without a Wembley Arena or soundsystem to edit the noise the sad truth spoke volumes: No-one cares about Garrett. Guess which reaction TNA will continue to hear in their own heads? Gunner won after something.

Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm Bobby Roooooooo

The main event delivered enough effort and entertainment (everyone chimed in, even Hardy) and for once the finish wasn’t obvious. After twenty minutes of suplexes, uranages and wondering why Sting has BLUE and white face-paint, Sting accidentally struck Hardy with the TNA belt and counted the pin grudgingly for a very happy Roode. Quality effort, even if most of the focus was on the Special Enforcer than any of the feuds within the match.

The PPV in three sentences…

Three good matches, an injury, a title change, a shite match, a whole lot of average and one SILENT crowd. TNA in 2012 is definitely not the same TNA from 2011, 2010 etc. Instead of being frustrating and stupid however, it’s main complaint is how staggeringly dull it can be at times.

  • Mick

    Hope Jesse recovers and also hope it doesn’t ruin Zema.

  • Samuel

    that is totally three sentences.

    is it really called the I Love Metallica Slam? I feel like naming moves needs to be banned for a while. They have taken it too far.

    tbh it seems like the crowd were messed up by the injury at the start. Faster dude matches are supposed to set the tone and when that tone is *guy looking dead on the outside floor* it can kill atmosphere for a while.

    Dull is a step-up from wanting to stab your eyes out. If they take another set up to *average* I may occasionally watch again.

    • SR

      No, it’s called Fade to Black, although it should be called I Love Metallica just so I can laugh at Tenay saying it with his small enthusiasm.

  • GeminiShamrock

    Nice write-up. Also, you should find a way to incorporate the Conan Babies theme song into a future edition of Botchamania.

  • GeminiShamrock

    Oh, and Samuel’s right. After that match, the crowd was just, well, funeral-like.

  • Jabroni

    If I were in that crowd I would be concerned for the dude too. Maybe people should quit jumping off of shit till other people figure out wtf not to do

  • Frank Reynolds

    @Samuel, no its not really called the “I Love Metallica Slam”…but its kind of like Maffew being suspicious of every single damn thing in TNA being an angle. You need to be suspicious of everything dealing with TNA that sounds really stupid being legit and not someone making a joke.

    • Samuel

      Ha. Ok TNA throws me off enough that often I just don’t know what to believe. Either way, I’m not watching.

  • NJ

    I believe the official title of Kazarian’s finisher is the Fade to Black, referencing some movie star gimmick he might have once had which no-one cares about any more.

    I think credit needs to be given to how Ion handled the Sorensen injury, he remained a professional wrestling heel and showed no remorse for how he hurt this guy while still on camera. That would’ve drawn great heat from a better crowd. Hopefully the change of plans will mean a 3-way for the X-title at the next PPV, Shelley/Aries/Ion is something I’d pay literally some money to see.

    • OctoberRaven

      Fade to Black is a direct reference to the Metallica song, actually…

  • BiffBashSmash

    I kind of like the way Tenay just tries to call the matches instead of Ed Ferarra/Oklahoma-ing everything. Borash is shit though.

  • Robnek

    The I Love Metallica slam. XD

  • Robnek

    Also, Fade to Black is a Metallica song, Kaz has/had the Metallica star/font on his gear, etc etc etc

  • Zema did a reasonable improv at the end of the match but the production crew were a bit slow in their reactions, isn’t there normally a plan b for a legit injury? Some highlight package or video they could cut to so Zema didn’t have to have that camera in his face for what felt like an eternity? Come on tricky Dixie, sort it out!

  • Serp

    I absolutely love the “Bobby…..ROOOOOO” running joke.

    Just sayin’.

    • Samuel


  • Mister Forth

    I enjoyed most of the event. I know we joke about Sorensen, but I hope he recovers.

  • Ted X

    Magnus and Joe = The IWC’s Dream Tag Team

    • Franke Sisto

      And that’s why they’ll lose the titles in a month -_-;;.

  • Andrew

    I don’t know, like, Zema Ion was obviously acting like a heel but you can tell looking at him how he was feeling, at least what I saw. An obviously bad situation, I’m not sure how that could have been handled, it seemed like Ion tucked his knees in on instinct to keep them from hitting the guard rail and landed hard on Jesse’s head.

  • I’ve rewatched that clip over and over again, including replays… knees to the face and he gets spine damage? WTF? Thank god im not a doctor I would’ve looked at the x-rays and said F this i Quit

  • kingjericho

    Although the PPV had some good matches, it also had the worst match of the year and the worst commentary of the year.

  • Pim Guggan

    I’m convinced wrestling is real now, I can’t tell which one is the klutz.

  • Mr. DJ

    …Ion in charge of doing a backflip? BOOK IT!

  • blackmariah

    Just a bad situation. 99 times out of 100 that move goes off without a hitch. Maybe one tenth of the remaining one percent ends in injury. NEVER have I heard of something like that ending with (hopefully temporary) paralysis, but it’s always a possibility.

    • Citizen Snips

      I have to disagree. This wasn’t Droz getting paralyzed by a power bomb or Steve Austin with a piledriver. A springboard moonsault to the outside is inherently dangerous with a pretty reasonable risk of injury for either guy.

  • Andrew H

    I got to say that I’ve been enjoying TNA (Impact Wrestling) a lot more lately. There’s still some stupid shit to be found, but I think the good is outweighing the bad.

    Robbie E is a decent wrestler, but the Jersey Shore gimmick has always sucked. He is definitely no Zack Ryder. Ryder’s character is a lot more entertaining and he doesn’t act like a spray-tanned douchebag who thinks he’s better than everyone.

    I’m liking the women’s division a lot more, and am always happy when Tara and Kim get to shine.

    Shannon Moore was great in the past. I don’t know why he’s lost that spark he used to have. I hope he finds it again.

    • maffew

      ‘Ryder’s character is a lot more entertaining and he doesn’t act like a spray-tanned douchebag who thinks he’s better than everyone.”


      • Christopher

        I love you Maffew, but there is no way in hell Robbie E is better than Ryder at anything. Then again considering the amount of ass-humping WWE Creative are giving Ryder, that may very well change soon…

  • Justin

    The second I saw how Ion landed on Sorensen I knew he was injured. You could see his neck buckle weirdly, because all of Ion’s weight came down on his head at just the ‘right’ angle to cause it.

    What threw off the tempo of the show was for some reason, the ref initially checks on Jesse, gets back into the ring.. nothing happens for about 2 minutes and then the ref checks on him AGAIN, finally calling for the X. Extremely sloppy injury-handling and it’s situations like this that show how unprepared TNA really is for anything that goes even a bit outside their plans.

    • BiffBashSmash

      The ref totally screwed up. Checks him – counts to 9 – uh, why isn’t he getting up? – checks him again – Ion wins by countount

      • BiffBashSmash

        Or even by countout

      • Bubba

        Maybe Jesse told him he was OK the first time, thinking he could go on, and only realised he was up shit creek when the ref came back.

  • WWEally

    I really think TNA is improving a heck of a lot. The problem might be the crowd more than the show now. Not saying the show is great but just mean if the crowd gets into it it helps everyone else get into it.

    They still have some crap there. Shannon Moore has to be the most pointless star TNA ever had. Even Ink Inc never got any decent treatment and the way they were treated was so bad I could never tell if it was warranted or not.

    I think the review was quite right Robbie E is now a better Ryder than Ryder. He does have the wrestling style of Cena but he’s far more entertaining now that Cookie left his side.

    Garrett/Gunner was the main PPV Killer I think for not just me but everyone. The rest of the matches you can have small complaints about but that match was the only one worthy of a real TNA complaint…..ok maybe the mainevent finish was too.

    • James

      It’s very easy to improve from Victory Road 09 and 11. Like putting in one good match. But, yes, this was a half-way decent PPV, so it is an improvement for TNA. And if Ion-Sorensen was supposed to end the way it was supposed to end, then the crowd would have been much louder.

      • WWEally

        That’s true. I think the injury dampend everyones moods. I think it’s an improvement alround and its back to tna being what it used to be in terms of the best matches out of the top 2 companies

  • Joe

    I assume Sorensen was booked to win that match and become the number one contender. So will they just plug in Zema now and do everything else as planned?